we've officially been chopped and screwed

(btw, that is my official-ticial favorite song right now!)

so this is homecoming huh? last year was a bit of a let down.. like i didn't see what the big fuss was about. this year the celebs at yardfest were not that great (with the exception of Earthtone, my boos). so yardfest got a 6.7 out of 10 from me. after that i got drunk with my friends which got a 4.5 out of 10. i did not have fun, i got really upset over some bullshit. anyhoo. that brings us to yesterday, step show day. i was expecting to sit with my friends...... didn't get to. i expected the shit to be long.... it wasn't. i expected shit to be POPPIN, music bladey bladey blah....... it DEF wasn't. so the stepshow got a 7 out of 10. after the stepshow we went to try to find something to eat. we ended up at mcdonalds of course. it was actually fun. the lokes were talking to us, that shit was so funny. this nigga was like, oh you have some pretty feet. then he proceeds to stroke my foot!!! then he was talking about how he liked some pretty eye makeup on some pretty eyes. then i was talking to my friends and he starts caressing my FACE! i didn't even know what to do. i couldn't get mad cuz that was actually funny. *sidebar* i was baggin for real last night. a bitch looked good. i've got pictures, don't worry about it *sidebar end*
then we went to the club. we had to wait about an hour to get in (not bad for homecoming). it was fun, i had myself a good time. trying to make up for the wackness of last year. i'm glad that i didn't just go back to meridian (which i definitely considered). either way, i had fun! danced, shook my bootay... it was fun! the only song i didn't hear was 'chopped and screwed' lol, but its okay, cuz its a new one. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that song. oh! i forgot to mention, before the club there was this group of boys from new york outside the club and they were talking to me, tajah, and danielle. this is one of the few times i was actually willing to give my number to someone lol. his name is.... get this.... ROMEO. i was like, what's your real name? he was like, my mother named me Romeo, its not a stage name. that shit was funny to me! lol. anyway, he was cool and his breath was nice and minty lol. so i'm actually (for the first time) kinda hoping he'll call/text. and hes from new york so he's a normal nigga i hope lol. the after party gets a definite 10 outta 10. nice way to end the homecoming festivities. i'm gonna do another post with pictures after i upload them.
peace

Why I Am (still) A Virgin

oh boy, here we go. although i am still young (in some people's eyes), yes i am still a virgin. i have never been penetrated by a penis. okay?! i am only nineteen, but i don't even know many nineteen year old virgins. i suppose most girls lose it in high school. okay so if thats what is supposed to happen... i would have had to really like or love a boy in high school enough to have sex with them, right? well i didn't like anyone that much in high school. the longest i ever dated someone in high school was like a month. on top of that, in high school i was a lot more interested in religion/god/waiting till marriage, so i wouldn't have had sex either way.

soooo then there is freshman year in college. i date two guys. guy numero uno was the closest i ever was to actually having sex. i actually experienced a lot of things for the first time with him. but before things could go 'to the next level' we broke up. then guy numero dos. our relationship was so rocky and ridiculous that i pretty much knew that if i were to have sex with him, it could very well be the last time i ever see his ass..who knows with him. i am SO happy i didn't have sex with him because he is THE douchebag of the century.

so that brings us to sophomore year (so far)... i hooked up with one guy who i've liked foreverrrr... of course i didn't have sex with him because he's older than me and i'd kinda just be another girl in his lineup. however if i ever dated him i would DEFINITELY have sex with him (lol).. and for the past like, two months i've been hooking up with a girl so that kinda doesn't help the situation.

besides all that, here are the rest of the reasons i haven't had sex. one, i have bad luck, so i'd be the one to fuck around and get pregnant after the first time i have sex. reason number two, i honestly don't just meet people on a regular basis that i WANT to have sex with... and although i don't really believe in waiting until marriage anymore, i still value sex. i see it as something i want to do with someone that loves me or at the very least, REALLY likes/cares for me. i don't want to regret it. after the fact, i just want them to still give a fuck about me basically. i haven't met anyone who i feel would be like that.

college has done something to me that i don't really like. it makes me feel that my virginity is like having the cooties and you just want to get rid of it asap!! people should be really respectful of being able to hold out for that long. i have a lot of respect for people like myself. i get a lot of different reactions from both guys and girls when i tell them i am a virgin.

1) "WOW!!!! that is good (hahahaha) yeah. thats really good.... for you" -from guys and some girls

2) "okay so wait. like. you haven't had sex? like wait. like never? forreal? wait. like you have NEVER had a penis inside you? like. never?" - from guys

3) "welllll i don't have time to wait for you to be ready.. peace out" -from guys

4) "Wow, i never would have guessed, you don't even look like a virgin" -from guys mostly

now, don't get it twisted. i am not a virgin because of lack of offers. its only because of the reasons aforementioned. so when i do lose my virginity, i'll let you know. but i just don't see myself finding what i want anytime soon. i have a lot of personal shit i need to figure out before i go and complicate my situation. such as the fact that last night i coulda sworn i was a lesbian. shit like that. (lol) i hope this cleared up a lot of confusion for my faithful fans lol.

peace

irritating

what is it about me and my exes... they won't leave me alone. heres a convo:
Ex: wat up
Me: nothing u
Ex:chillin
Ex: how the boyz
Me: the boys?
Ex: lol
Ex: yea
Me: i don't have time for that
Ex: lol
Ex: thats kool
Me: i guess
Ex: lol
Ex: how school
Me: its good
Ex: that kool

did i seem like i wanted to have a conversation with him? i really don't think so. why do boys have to ask if i'm single or if i'm with someone or 'how the boys are?' that question really pisses me off. that is the last thing on my mind. the only time i think about boys is at parties on the weekends or some shit. i am on my COLLEGE grind. i'm here to get an education and graduate on time. my main concern is my GPA baby, and thats where it ends. i don't have time for the bullshit
peace

boys will say anything!

wow this is so funny. i'm sitting on the laptop, minding my own business.. when mark.. remember him? IM's me. whoa. i was like oh hell no he didn't! but he did. and he says to me 'hey babe'. i was like are u kidding me!? the only time i initiated any form of conversation with him was to say happy birthday to him. i'm so nice. anyway, then he has the audacity to say that he misses me. i said you do? lol. i mean, i don't miss him so why would i say that i missed him?! which made me think to myself, boys really will say anything!! oh wait, i didn't even tell u that he told me he LOVED me. i was like what the hell?! no you don't! i swear to god, i make boys fall in love with me. they always wanna tell me they love me. i must be a lovable person or something. but the thing is, of course, i don't love them. boys are always trying to rush me into something man! they wanna date me or fuck me and then subsequently tell me whatever it takes just so that they can get the panties. well heres a hint, you CAN'T get the panties. they aren't for sale or for lease. you're credit isn't good enough, cuz MY panties are priceless. lol. i'm a fool for that one. anyway... heres how things have been...

last weekend i got really drunk. now i am a drinker, but i can count on one hand the times where i have gotten so drunk that i've passed out and/or thrown up. once was after prom, once last year, and then last weekend. now the night started out normally. i had three shots of effen vodka. after that, i was not drunk. my tolerance is higher than that. so i'm waiting around and it hit me a little bit, so i felt kind of nice. then i had some of my friend's drink and i downed it really fast. that probably wasn't a good idea. then i decided to go next door to my other friend's house since it was his birthday. i said hi to him and then went inside (with the rest of my posse). now, by this time i am drunk. just drunk. i decide that being just drunk isn't good enough, so i had to more cups of what we call 'jungle juice' lol. i don't even remember drinking it. by the time i was done with that, i was fucked up. like i couldn't stand up. i really don't know how i got back to my friends house. i think someone carried me. i do remember falling down a flight of stairs though. anyway, i threw up which was gross, and i passed out. then the next day once i got back to my room, i threw up again...it was awful. and my whole body was sore from falling down the stairs.. it was bad man, really bad.

in other news... things have been pretty chill. i've been doing really well in math! yes, math. my first test i got an 81 and the second test i got a 92! go lauren!! things with my friends have been pretty good. its a little annoying because they are ALL trying to join up with some sorority or fraternity. its so annoying. i just hope they realize that the chances of them actually making it is slim to none.

homecoming is coming up. i already told you how i feel about that. i just hope it all works out and i have a good time. i just don't want to be a stressed out mess.

in hair news... i have decided to go natural. for those of you who do not know what it is... it is the growing out of permed hair so that your natural hair is what you work with...lol. i've been perming my hair for SO long and i'm just tired of it. its expensive, it is damaging my hair, and i want my hair to be healthy! its going to be an interesting journey... i'll definitely do updates on this with pictures and everything! so exciting!

peace out<3

safe

uhmm i'm scared to write what i feel. this blog is so public! lol. but there are some things that are really scary to talk about in such a public way. so in short... good things are happening... but i can't talk about them. i suck, im sorry. but, don't worry readers, don't worry.

Homecoming Blues

Today is really not going my way so far. I was woken up by my friend that wanted to tell me how she had a mouse in her room... WHY IS THAT MY PROBLEM!? anyway, that sucked. of course i couldn't go back to sleep so i had to stay up. she made me help her set up the mouse traps and everything. then i came back and watched tv for a few hours when gillian asked me if i wanted to go for a run. i really didn't want to go because i'm in horrible shape. anyway, the run made me feel awesome as runs tend to do. i checked my phone and i had 100 texts and missed calls. one was from arlene (my ex-babysitter/cousin) and she went on and on about how she is coming for howard's homecoming. i can't say i'm thrilled about that because having a guest during homecoming is extremely hectic. its hectic even when you're alone! the annoying part of the conversation was that i couldn't get a word in edgewise! she was also complaining about the fact that my parents were coming, trust me i don't want them to come either but, i can't do anything about it. they're my family. then she says she'll call me back.. so i took the opportunity to call my mom. she doesn't understand why i don't want them to come. i just really don't want to entertain anyone. she says we can just meet up and i don't have to entertain them. but i feel so bad. i'm caught in the middle. everyone wants to come to howard homecoming! thats fine but, i don't want to be the one entertaining everyone! i just want to have a relaxing weekend and enjoy the events... but i just know i'm gonna be jetsetting around DC like a chicken with it's head cut off. i feel bad because my mom got mad at me.. but honestly, i don't know why my family is coming. i DO NOT WANT them to come because i DO NOT WANT to entertain them and tell them what they should do! last year was hectic with my family coming and i really don't want to make this a tradition, because its not a very good one. i don't know what to do but this just feels like a disaster waiting to happen. i hate this!!!! ahh!!!!

God is SOO GOOD!

i have the BEST FRIENDS a girl could ever ask for! my two friends ran into an SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) that had a job opportunity for Speech Pathology majors. aka, me. so i got in contact with the woman via email. she called me this afternoon and asked about my availability. i was SOOO excited! she told me to meet her tomorrow at 11 at this school and i can't wait! get this... the job pays 15 dollars an hour!!! ahh! even if i work 10 hours a week, thats 150 bucks! do you know how much food i could buy?! how sad that thats the first thing i think of. anyway i'm so amped about it! i could eventually go shopping!!! yaaaay!

another reason why God is so good, my account balance was -.86 yesterday. sad, i know. i called my mother to see if she could put some money in my account, but i told her 'nevermind' and that i'd work it out. well i checked my account today and it was plus 50 bucks! i was confused but then elated! i have money!!!! things are so amazing i'm not even trippin over the fact that my period came early.

another reason why i'm so happy and God is so good (lol)... i really like this girl and i'm pretty sure she likes me too. and we went running and it was awesome!

LIFE IS SO GOOOOOOOD!!! yay!