thing number one... CGT. well the other day i went over to his house for a few hours. nothing really happened (physically that is) but i did get a better idea of what he is about. no weed this time so that my mind could be clear. his friend came over to cut his hair and i was actually happy that he did, because it was the first time i've seen him around his own peers. (lol). his friend was pretty cool too. anyway... i just paid a lot of attention to the way he treated me in front of his friend. he was really respectful and nice and i felt really included. i liked that a lot. its weird, sometimes when we're around each other it seems like we've known each other for a lot longer than we actually have. last night i texted him to see what he was doing for halloween but he wasn't doing anything. he asked what i was doing and i told him and he was like, well you know where to find me. that was cool or whatever.
btw. i never text or call him. the only time i ever texted him first was when i first got his number and texted him so that he had my number.
today i texted him to see what he was doing. this is how it went:
me- hey, whatsup
cgt- nothing...
me (confused as to why he didn't ask me how i was...)
me- do u not wanna talk?
cgt- whatsup
me- just seeing what u were up to
cgt- im in the bed
me- oh ok
then he called me: i just told him what i did and he said he was going out to his friend's party so i just said that he could call me later. idk. that text conversation really bothered me. well my plan is to go back to not calling or texting him first. thats the end of that...
halloween!!! it was really fun, even though dani wasn't there. i was a Black Panther! It turned out really cute. we went to this party that was about 2 miles from campus so we took the bus up there. the party was SO much fun. i haven't danced that much in a while. unfortunately we had to walk ALLLLL the way back to campus. it was veryyy long and my feet already hurt from the party. when we got to cook (another dorm) it only took the campus escort about 25 minutes to come pick us up and take us to meridian. i was SO happy about that. over all, halloween was really fun.
i am SO sore right now, i wanna lay down!!
peace
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
virginal difficulties
wow. last night was a whirlwind of a night. 12:15, CGT (Cute Gym Teacher) texts me. we have a back and forth and he asks if i want to come over. so i did, around 7. we were basically just hanging out, watching tv, listening to music. it was chill. then he asked me if i smoked and of course, i do. so we went to go get some weed, came back, and smoked it. in the midst of our high, we listened to r&b and got... physical. that sounded so gay. but it was pretty perfect... listening to 'anytime, anyplace' by janet jackson, super duper high and relaxed, and sensually kissing this dude. i'm thinking to myself... that hes thinking to himself... that i really am about to have sex with him! and then i think to myself, okay, how can i justify sleeping with him? i can't. its not like we are in a relationship, we aren't even old friends. he is just a coworker and i saw him for the first time a week ago. if this is how i lose my virginity, i'll be mad at myself. and this is what scares me... i really could have had sex with him. i mean, everything for sex was in order. a simple yes...and my virginity would be out the window. now i don't know what to do going forward. should i just leave it at that and not chill with him? should i just wait for him to contact me? should i tell him i'm waiting to be in a committed relationship to have sex? AHH i don't know! see, this is why i can't have a relaxed normal relationship! i'm not going to make any moves.
peace
peace
Friday, October 24, 2008
Relaxed and Normal
man. i am just too good looking for my own good! lol. so i went back to work yesterday at EWS. i was dressed all cute for my Hottie Gym Teacher. i walked into the multi-purpose room and there they were. Hot Gym Teacher and Cute Gym Teacher. (yeah, i didn't mention that the other gym teacher is cute... he flirted with me the other times i came to the school). as i was leaving the school, i saw a guy in the distance. i knew it was either Hot Gym Teacher or Cute Gym Teacher. it was Cute Gym Teacher. i was a bit let down to be honest. i was just initially more attracted to HGT. so CGT sparked up a conversation with me which resulted in him asking for my number. but the end result was me taking his number because he didn't have his phone. we had a text conversation and he seems like a cool guy. NORMAL like i've been wanting! maybe he fits my description for my relaxed normal relationship! that would be cool! he lives by campus. i can just picture being in my normal relationship with him. but i can't make any decisions to hastily. i'll see if he texts or calls me this weekend. more lata
peace<3
peace<3
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
ramble
whats been going on in my life. oh lordy. well i'm really HATING my classes right now. all but math and principles of speech. i like those classes. i have this class called Language Development. UGH. i have no idea what that bitch be sayin!! lol. i just don't know what the hell she is talking about! then i have French. no comment. then there is speech and hearing. i'm doing fine in that class but there is a project coming up that completely baffles me. oh fucking well. so all in all, classes are kicking my ass right now and its not cool.
in other news...
i went to work again (for 30 minutes only because the kids were sleeping grr.) however, it wasn't a complete bust because i got to look at the H.O.T.T gym teacher. oh my lawd he is one fine hunk of man. i mean, chile, he is FOIIIIINE. hes probably my skin tone (unusual for me i know) pretty tall... and he clearly loves kids.. which is cute even though i don't like kids. it just shows that he probably is really caring and sweet. and did i mention that he is fine? cuz he definitely is. i saw him the first day i came to EWS but i saw him from afar. the next time i came i saw him and i realized he was fine. the third time i came he actually spoke to me. and i quote, "Welcome to Physical Education." in my head i said, "baby, you can physically educate me anytime you want" lmao. then the other gym teacher asked if i wanted to climb the rope... i was like 'i'm good'. then Hottie Teacher actually started climbing the rope. that was really sexy to watch. lol. watching him exert all that strength got me HOT! lmao. i wish i could talk to him on a more... personal.... level. lmao.
in other news...
SOMEONE STOLE MY MOTHER FUCKING BREAD! i went grocery shopping yesterday and when i went to make a sandwich later on, i couldn't find my bread. its fucking gone. i really feel that someone stole it. i remember it being in my room when i unpacked my groceries and now its just gone?! what the fuck! well that really upset me.
in other news...
Romeo never called. just like his name implied. i mean, 3 days is a long time.. its PLENTY of time. so if he was ever gonna call, i really feel that it would have been in those first few days. anything past that is kind of ridiculous. i mean, if he does call... i don't know. i mean, i'll answer the phone, but Nice Lauren won't be present. Bitch Lauren is gonna answer the phone.
My grades... I have been trying pretty hard in my classes, i have five classes, 3 Satisfactory's and one Unsatisfactory and one blank. lol. thats good enough for me. French is a motherfucking BIYATCH! fuck you oaky... fuck YOU!
man, i had a lot to talk about today. sweet! i'm getting kinda homesick again. i just miss my brothers and my mom and deborah a lot. i feel like i should miss my dad but.. i just don't. my goal for the week is to call him. whenever i go to call him, i talk myself out of it. terrible, i know. i still have time, right?
in more news! damn. today, i was thinking about my hair and how i'm going natural and what not, and i started to picture myself with dreads. i wonder what that would look like on me. two of my friends opinions are that it won't look right on me but I DON'T CARE. lol. i do what i want.
peace
in other news...
i went to work again (for 30 minutes only because the kids were sleeping grr.) however, it wasn't a complete bust because i got to look at the H.O.T.T gym teacher. oh my lawd he is one fine hunk of man. i mean, chile, he is FOIIIIINE. hes probably my skin tone (unusual for me i know) pretty tall... and he clearly loves kids.. which is cute even though i don't like kids. it just shows that he probably is really caring and sweet. and did i mention that he is fine? cuz he definitely is. i saw him the first day i came to EWS but i saw him from afar. the next time i came i saw him and i realized he was fine. the third time i came he actually spoke to me. and i quote, "Welcome to Physical Education." in my head i said, "baby, you can physically educate me anytime you want" lmao. then the other gym teacher asked if i wanted to climb the rope... i was like 'i'm good'. then Hottie Teacher actually started climbing the rope. that was really sexy to watch. lol. watching him exert all that strength got me HOT! lmao. i wish i could talk to him on a more... personal.... level. lmao.
in other news...
SOMEONE STOLE MY MOTHER FUCKING BREAD! i went grocery shopping yesterday and when i went to make a sandwich later on, i couldn't find my bread. its fucking gone. i really feel that someone stole it. i remember it being in my room when i unpacked my groceries and now its just gone?! what the fuck! well that really upset me.
in other news...
Romeo never called. just like his name implied. i mean, 3 days is a long time.. its PLENTY of time. so if he was ever gonna call, i really feel that it would have been in those first few days. anything past that is kind of ridiculous. i mean, if he does call... i don't know. i mean, i'll answer the phone, but Nice Lauren won't be present. Bitch Lauren is gonna answer the phone.
My grades... I have been trying pretty hard in my classes, i have five classes, 3 Satisfactory's and one Unsatisfactory and one blank. lol. thats good enough for me. French is a motherfucking BIYATCH! fuck you oaky... fuck YOU!
man, i had a lot to talk about today. sweet! i'm getting kinda homesick again. i just miss my brothers and my mom and deborah a lot. i feel like i should miss my dad but.. i just don't. my goal for the week is to call him. whenever i go to call him, i talk myself out of it. terrible, i know. i still have time, right?
in more news! damn. today, i was thinking about my hair and how i'm going natural and what not, and i started to picture myself with dreads. i wonder what that would look like on me. two of my friends opinions are that it won't look right on me but I DON'T CARE. lol. i do what i want.
peace
Sunday, October 19, 2008
we've officially been chopped and screwed
(btw, that is my official-ticial favorite song right now!)
so this is homecoming huh? last year was a bit of a let down.. like i didn't see what the big fuss was about. this year the celebs at yardfest were not that great (with the exception of Earthtone, my boos). so yardfest got a 6.7 out of 10 from me. after that i got drunk with my friends which got a 4.5 out of 10. i did not have fun, i got really upset over some bullshit. anyhoo. that brings us to yesterday, step show day. i was expecting to sit with my friends...... didn't get to. i expected the shit to be long.... it wasn't. i expected shit to be POPPIN, music bladey bladey blah....... it DEF wasn't. so the stepshow got a 7 out of 10. after the stepshow we went to try to find something to eat. we ended up at mcdonalds of course. it was actually fun. the lokes were talking to us, that shit was so funny. this nigga was like, oh you have some pretty feet. then he proceeds to stroke my foot!!! then he was talking about how he liked some pretty eye makeup on some pretty eyes. then i was talking to my friends and he starts caressing my FACE! i didn't even know what to do. i couldn't get mad cuz that was actually funny. *sidebar* i was baggin for real last night. a bitch looked good. i've got pictures, don't worry about it *sidebar end*
then we went to the club. we had to wait about an hour to get in (not bad for homecoming). it was fun, i had myself a good time. trying to make up for the wackness of last year. i'm glad that i didn't just go back to meridian (which i definitely considered). either way, i had fun! danced, shook my bootay... it was fun! the only song i didn't hear was 'chopped and screwed' lol, but its okay, cuz its a new one. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that song. oh! i forgot to mention, before the club there was this group of boys from new york outside the club and they were talking to me, tajah, and danielle. this is one of the few times i was actually willing to give my number to someone lol. his name is.... get this.... ROMEO. i was like, what's your real name? he was like, my mother named me Romeo, its not a stage name. that shit was funny to me! lol. anyway, he was cool and his breath was nice and minty lol. so i'm actually (for the first time) kinda hoping he'll call/text. and hes from new york so he's a normal nigga i hope lol. the after party gets a definite 10 outta 10. nice way to end the homecoming festivities. i'm gonna do another post with pictures after i upload them.
peace
so this is homecoming huh? last year was a bit of a let down.. like i didn't see what the big fuss was about. this year the celebs at yardfest were not that great (with the exception of Earthtone, my boos). so yardfest got a 6.7 out of 10 from me. after that i got drunk with my friends which got a 4.5 out of 10. i did not have fun, i got really upset over some bullshit. anyhoo. that brings us to yesterday, step show day. i was expecting to sit with my friends...... didn't get to. i expected the shit to be long.... it wasn't. i expected shit to be POPPIN, music bladey bladey blah....... it DEF wasn't. so the stepshow got a 7 out of 10. after the stepshow we went to try to find something to eat. we ended up at mcdonalds of course. it was actually fun. the lokes were talking to us, that shit was so funny. this nigga was like, oh you have some pretty feet. then he proceeds to stroke my foot!!! then he was talking about how he liked some pretty eye makeup on some pretty eyes. then i was talking to my friends and he starts caressing my FACE! i didn't even know what to do. i couldn't get mad cuz that was actually funny. *sidebar* i was baggin for real last night. a bitch looked good. i've got pictures, don't worry about it *sidebar end*
then we went to the club. we had to wait about an hour to get in (not bad for homecoming). it was fun, i had myself a good time. trying to make up for the wackness of last year. i'm glad that i didn't just go back to meridian (which i definitely considered). either way, i had fun! danced, shook my bootay... it was fun! the only song i didn't hear was 'chopped and screwed' lol, but its okay, cuz its a new one. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that song. oh! i forgot to mention, before the club there was this group of boys from new york outside the club and they were talking to me, tajah, and danielle. this is one of the few times i was actually willing to give my number to someone lol. his name is.... get this.... ROMEO. i was like, what's your real name? he was like, my mother named me Romeo, its not a stage name. that shit was funny to me! lol. anyway, he was cool and his breath was nice and minty lol. so i'm actually (for the first time) kinda hoping he'll call/text. and hes from new york so he's a normal nigga i hope lol. the after party gets a definite 10 outta 10. nice way to end the homecoming festivities. i'm gonna do another post with pictures after i upload them.
peace
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Why I Am (still) A Virgin
oh boy, here we go. although i am still young (in some people's eyes), yes i am still a virgin. i have never been penetrated by a penis. okay?! i am only nineteen, but i don't even know many nineteen year old virgins. i suppose most girls lose it in high school. okay so if thats what is supposed to happen... i would have had to really like or love a boy in high school enough to have sex with them, right? well i didn't like anyone that much in high school. the longest i ever dated someone in high school was like a month. on top of that, in high school i was a lot more interested in religion/god/waiting till marriage, so i wouldn't have had sex either way.
soooo then there is freshman year in college. i date two guys. guy numero uno was the closest i ever was to actually having sex. i actually experienced a lot of things for the first time with him. but before things could go 'to the next level' we broke up. then guy numero dos. our relationship was so rocky and ridiculous that i pretty much knew that if i were to have sex with him, it could very well be the last time i ever see his ass..who knows with him. i am SO happy i didn't have sex with him because he is THE douchebag of the century.
so that brings us to sophomore year (so far)... i hooked up with one guy who i've liked foreverrrr... of course i didn't have sex with him because he's older than me and i'd kinda just be another girl in his lineup. however if i ever dated him i would DEFINITELY have sex with him (lol).. and for the past like, two months i've been hooking up with a girl so that kinda doesn't help the situation.
besides all that, here are the rest of the reasons i haven't had sex. one, i have bad luck, so i'd be the one to fuck around and get pregnant after the first time i have sex. reason number two, i honestly don't just meet people on a regular basis that i WANT to have sex with... and although i don't really believe in waiting until marriage anymore, i still value sex. i see it as something i want to do with someone that loves me or at the very least, REALLY likes/cares for me. i don't want to regret it. after the fact, i just want them to still give a fuck about me basically. i haven't met anyone who i feel would be like that.
college has done something to me that i don't really like. it makes me feel that my virginity is like having the cooties and you just want to get rid of it asap!! people should be really respectful of being able to hold out for that long. i have a lot of respect for people like myself. i get a lot of different reactions from both guys and girls when i tell them i am a virgin.
1) "WOW!!!! that is good (hahahaha) yeah. thats really good.... for you" -from guys and some girls
2) "okay so wait. like. you haven't had sex? like wait. like never? forreal? wait. like you have NEVER had a penis inside you? like. never?" - from guys
3) "welllll i don't have time to wait for you to be ready.. peace out" -from guys
4) "Wow, i never would have guessed, you don't even look like a virgin" -from guys mostly
now, don't get it twisted. i am not a virgin because of lack of offers. its only because of the reasons aforementioned. so when i do lose my virginity, i'll let you know. but i just don't see myself finding what i want anytime soon. i have a lot of personal shit i need to figure out before i go and complicate my situation. such as the fact that last night i coulda sworn i was a lesbian. shit like that. (lol) i hope this cleared up a lot of confusion for my faithful fans lol.
peace
soooo then there is freshman year in college. i date two guys. guy numero uno was the closest i ever was to actually having sex. i actually experienced a lot of things for the first time with him. but before things could go 'to the next level' we broke up. then guy numero dos. our relationship was so rocky and ridiculous that i pretty much knew that if i were to have sex with him, it could very well be the last time i ever see his ass..who knows with him. i am SO happy i didn't have sex with him because he is THE douchebag of the century.
so that brings us to sophomore year (so far)... i hooked up with one guy who i've liked foreverrrr... of course i didn't have sex with him because he's older than me and i'd kinda just be another girl in his lineup. however if i ever dated him i would DEFINITELY have sex with him (lol).. and for the past like, two months i've been hooking up with a girl so that kinda doesn't help the situation.
besides all that, here are the rest of the reasons i haven't had sex. one, i have bad luck, so i'd be the one to fuck around and get pregnant after the first time i have sex. reason number two, i honestly don't just meet people on a regular basis that i WANT to have sex with... and although i don't really believe in waiting until marriage anymore, i still value sex. i see it as something i want to do with someone that loves me or at the very least, REALLY likes/cares for me. i don't want to regret it. after the fact, i just want them to still give a fuck about me basically. i haven't met anyone who i feel would be like that.
college has done something to me that i don't really like. it makes me feel that my virginity is like having the cooties and you just want to get rid of it asap!! people should be really respectful of being able to hold out for that long. i have a lot of respect for people like myself. i get a lot of different reactions from both guys and girls when i tell them i am a virgin.
1) "WOW!!!! that is good (hahahaha) yeah. thats really good.... for you" -from guys and some girls
2) "okay so wait. like. you haven't had sex? like wait. like never? forreal? wait. like you have NEVER had a penis inside you? like. never?" - from guys
3) "welllll i don't have time to wait for you to be ready.. peace out" -from guys
4) "Wow, i never would have guessed, you don't even look like a virgin" -from guys mostly
now, don't get it twisted. i am not a virgin because of lack of offers. its only because of the reasons aforementioned. so when i do lose my virginity, i'll let you know. but i just don't see myself finding what i want anytime soon. i have a lot of personal shit i need to figure out before i go and complicate my situation. such as the fact that last night i coulda sworn i was a lesbian. shit like that. (lol) i hope this cleared up a lot of confusion for my faithful fans lol.
peace
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
irritating
what is it about me and my exes... they won't leave me alone. heres a convo:
Ex: wat up
Me: nothing u
Ex:chillin
Ex: how the boyz
Me: the boys?
Ex: lol
Ex: yea
Me: i don't have time for that
Ex: lol
Ex: thats kool
Me: i guess
Ex: lol
Ex: how school
Me: its good
Ex: that kool
did i seem like i wanted to have a conversation with him? i really don't think so. why do boys have to ask if i'm single or if i'm with someone or 'how the boys are?' that question really pisses me off. that is the last thing on my mind. the only time i think about boys is at parties on the weekends or some shit. i am on my COLLEGE grind. i'm here to get an education and graduate on time. my main concern is my GPA baby, and thats where it ends. i don't have time for the bullshit
peace
Ex: wat up
Me: nothing u
Ex:chillin
Ex: how the boyz
Me: the boys?
Ex: lol
Ex: yea
Me: i don't have time for that
Ex: lol
Ex: thats kool
Me: i guess
Ex: lol
Ex: how school
Me: its good
Ex: that kool
did i seem like i wanted to have a conversation with him? i really don't think so. why do boys have to ask if i'm single or if i'm with someone or 'how the boys are?' that question really pisses me off. that is the last thing on my mind. the only time i think about boys is at parties on the weekends or some shit. i am on my COLLEGE grind. i'm here to get an education and graduate on time. my main concern is my GPA baby, and thats where it ends. i don't have time for the bullshit
peace
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