good news bad news

why does my life SUCK?!

okay, yesterday was a really good day for me. i found out that my insurance decided to cover my surgery. all was well and good. the only step left was to figure out the date for the surgery. the date part was supposed to be the fastest and easiest right. so i call about an hour ago and she tells me that she has nothing until the end of july! okay, that would be okay except for the fact that i'm going away for the last two weeks of july. basically all thats left is the beginning of august. i definitely DON'T want to wait until august because thats too close to school for my personal comfort. the only other option is to not get the fucking surgery. i can't believe this is happening. maybe its really not meant to happen. all the bullshit i've gone through for NOTHING. i can't do this. its tearing me apart. this is something i've wanted for YEARS and this is the closest i've ever been to actually doing it. of course everything goes sour. i can't bear the thought of waiting until next summer and having to go through the whole insurance bullshit AGAIN. this is unbearable really. this whole process. this is the perfect time in my life to have this done, but everything else is getting fucked up along the way. my parents even said if i get it done during the end of july, i could stay home during my vacation. the thought of that makes me absolutely cringe because i look forward to martha's vineyard so much. i would hate to not be able to go. even though this surgery means A WHOOOLE LOT to me, i LOVE martha's vineyard, and i really don't want to miss it. this is one of the worst situations i've ever been in.

more later.