trying my best!

...to be optimistic. this is what has been happening in my life for the past few days.

okayy so my friends from school and i were supposed to all meet up in manhattan on sunday night. we all agreed on a time/place and i was on my way to the city. while i was on the LIRR (train), one of my friends tells me she can't make it. thats one out of three. then i get to the city and another one cancels on me. then by the time i get to the restaurant about 8 blocks away, the final friend cancels on me. so i'm in manhattan all alone, i've wasted 16 dollars on train fare and believe me when i say, i was so far beyond PISSED, that they haven't created a word to describe it yet. i called my cousin to see if she was in queens and could possibly meet up with me, but she was still in north carolina. i had nothing else to do but go right back home. i was SOOO upset. i just don't see the point of planning ahead when it holds no precedent over anything else. that put me in a bad mood, to say the least...
however, later on i went bowling with my dad and it was actually reallly fun. i used to bowl 3 or 4 times a week, but i haven't gone in about a year. i bowled rather well; my scores were 126, 129, and 168. not too shabby.

to add insult to injury, my friend's grandmother passed away. i knew her very well and she always reminded me of my own grandma so i felt a connection with her. she was such a sweet lady.

unfortunately, more bad news, my brother needs a new car and my mom needs surgery on her knee. i mean, can i please get a fucking break?! ugh!!

so monday, my cousin texted me and asked if i wanted to go out with her. so we went to BBQ's in manhattan. i got to see one of her friends that i met when i first visited her in north carolina... so i was pretty happy. i had a huuuge pina colada and my stomach was KILLING me. but after standing up for about 10 minutes, i started feeling better. my cousin was telling me about stuff in her relationship and that started to upset me. ughhhh.

then, today, i went to get my hair colored and i really like it. its like a lighter brown with a little red to it. i like it.
right now i'm just sitting in my room feeling shitty and sticking my middle finger to the world.

goodbye