all good things must come to an end?

now... i'm not saying that my break was like the best EVER, but it was good. and its not like i really don't wanna go back to school... i'm just really apprehensive about the classes i'm taking. they're going to be super challenging. i'm really nervous about that. i also hate traveling, so i'm definitely not looking forward to that!

cgt said he was happy i'm coming home and whatever, but idk. i feel like our 'relationship' is not going anywhere and sometimes i feel like i could do better. there are just some issues that i'm not sure i can deal with. i feel like i give 100% to the relaionship (as i do with all of my relationships), and he is giving maybe 30%. something big is that, i feel he doesn't listen to me. scratch that. i KNOW he doesn't listen to me. which brings me to something else. i feel like i've reeeeally matured over this break. and when i go back to cgt, i'm gonna make sure that i'm more assertive and tell him what i want from being with him. then, i'll see how bad he actually wants to be with me. i mean, i know he isn't really looking to be in a relationship, but maybe that is what I'M looking for... i don't want to stifle myself. the whole reason i went to therapy this past summer is because i felt like no one ever listened to me. on my list of things i want to do before i die, one of them is 'i want to find a friend that actually listens to me'... clearly, this is a problem! i want to be able to sit with cgt and have a conversation. a back-and-forth. to have a back-and-forth, you have to listen to the person talking. i always listen to him. i pride myself on being a good listener. this is what happens in our 'conversations'...
CGT: blahhhh blah blah blah blah blahhhhh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats so uncool.
Me: so today, my friend actually died.
CGT: ..silence..

or:

CGT: blah blahhhh blah blah blahh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats amazing, i'm so proud of you!
Me: So, my mom was telling me that my brother got accepted into the NBA!
CGT: ..silence..

it doesn't matter what i say, he never has a response, so that seems like he isn't listening, right? right.
and its also little things, like he never walks me back to my dorm, he never asks me questions about myself. like, everything he knows about me, was on facebook or i offered him the information. i do not know, readers, i do not know. when i think about the negative things, they seem so plentiful. which is nottt good. i want someone who can make me happy and actually gives a shit about me. like, one of the things that cgt did that made me SO angry, was that we were texting and i said 'i miss you' and he didn't say anything back. like, damn. in that case, i take it back, i don't miss your ass! that really made me mad. i have this habit of going above and beyond for people, and i don't even get half of that in return. what to do, what to do!!!

if you have advice for me, please leave me a comment.