firstly, an update on my life. nothing has really been going on. i've been busting my ass in the gym, going to class, sleep, eat, and put it on repeat. since i've been back at school, i've lost almost 2 lbs i think... i can't tell with those scales.. you know, the ones that doctors use? yeah. i need a real scale! lol. then class... its good, six classes, three everyday. but i have 4-6 hour breaks in the middle of them. thats usually when i go to the gym, come back, shower, watch maury, and get ready for class. its nice to have a little respite in the middle of the day to relax.
i've kind of taken another vow to not mess with or talk to any guys but something kind of exciting did happen. there is this guy in my french class that is clearly fluent in french. when he talks, the entire class is just silent and we all just stare in awe of his beautiful french. lol. so i told dani (shout out to my girl dani b!) that i would get his number so that he could help us study or something. so, after class on thursday i got his number and i told him i'd call him later to give him mine. so after my last class i texted him something along the lines of 'hey, this is lauren from class' after that.. this is how it went.
him: Lauren
me: yepp
him: it seems like you're the best in the class (ahhh!! i dieddd!) what's your major?
me: wow, thank you! my major is speech pathology. and yours?
him: applied math and computer science. (dayum!)
me: wow so you can help me in math too?
yeah blah blah, nothing too exciting (math talk) but yeah. maybe he could just be my math/french-friend. lol.
::in other news::
i've not really been missing home which is good. i thought i'd be miserable coming back, but i feel pretty good. i just kind of do my thing. i cut off someone that needed to be cut off, i've been managing my money better, i am managing partying and going to class. i haven't missed any class and i don't plan to until friday feb 6th because i'm probably going to go home for my brother's birthday. i told him i couldn't come. but i plan to. hehe. i'm not gonna tell anyone. i'm just gonna show up at home :) it should be really funny and shocking! i love surprises!! well, good surprises, that is. anyway. i could never fully surprise my family because i don't have a key, so i would have to ask my brother to let me in. but we got a new keypad outside that allows us to open the garage door (that was broken). i'm so super duper excited. well i'm gonna go to the gym now.
peace<3
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
aujourd'hui
this is a brief update of what has been going on in my life lately. friday i was a bit upset, so i didn't really feel like doing much... but i went to the Diner and ate a delicious sandwich. lol. saturday was crazyyy. i went to the gym in the morning but later on, all hell broke loose. i went to my friends' house and it was soo triflin. i drank sooo much. i wish i could tell you. i just took shot after shot after shot. next thing you know...fuckkeeedddd up. anyway, i managed to get back to my room, thank god. haha. so sunday, i didn't go the gym due to my hangover. i pretty much stayed in my room and didn't do anything. i knitted with my amiga and watched Clueless, but it was a chill day. today was chill too. just went to my two classes and went to the gym, nothing big. but i have a question...
okay, heres the situation. i'm walking down the street in my 'workout clothes' aka, spandex pants. so these dudes in a garbage truck come by, honk their horn at me and the one in the passenger's seat waves at me. what the HELL do they think is going to come of that?? do they think i am going to respond and chase down the truck, so that i can give them my number? i'm so confused by that. or maybe they're just trying to let me know that 'dayumm i look goooood' i really don't know. maybe one of my gorgeous followers can tell me???
lol
peace<3
okay, heres the situation. i'm walking down the street in my 'workout clothes' aka, spandex pants. so these dudes in a garbage truck come by, honk their horn at me and the one in the passenger's seat waves at me. what the HELL do they think is going to come of that?? do they think i am going to respond and chase down the truck, so that i can give them my number? i'm so confused by that. or maybe they're just trying to let me know that 'dayumm i look goooood' i really don't know. maybe one of my gorgeous followers can tell me???
lol
peace<3
Friday, January 9, 2009
-FIN-
lauren is finished.
i am tired. tired of what? lauren is tired of not being appreciated, not feeling special, arguing, bickering, and dealing with BULLSHIT people. i am so tired of listening to people saying that they're going to change in 09, but there really is something i need to change. i WILL NOT deal with people who are not worthy of my presence. whether it be friendship, a relationship, whatever. if you do not add something positive to my life, consider yourself cut-off. i believe the saying goes, 'you're in control of your own destiny' or something like that. anyway, i truly believe that, with the addition of God of course. he is actually in control of my destiny, but yeah, you get what i'm trying to say.
so what am i really saying? who am i really talking about? i'm sure the faithful readers figured it out already. CGT, i'm sick of thinking about him, talking to him, seeing him, dealing with his bitchy little attitude. i doubt i even told you ALL the bullshit i've gone through with this 'man'. this was our convo today:
CGT: hey
me: hello
CGT: why haven't i seen you?
me: idk, you tell me
CGT: you tell me...
me: i do not know. it's up to you if you want to see me
CGT: ok...it's a two way street..but its fine!
me: generally when we see eachother its at ur house, i'm not going to invite myself over. unless we go somewhere for a change
CGT: i thought we were going to the movies on the 16th
me: yeah we can, but thats a week away
CGT: no, you have a little attitude
me: i do?
CGT: i don't have time for that
me: alright..
CGT: ok
me: you don't want to talk to me anymore?
CGT: i didn't say that.. i don't talk to attitudes.. i don't do that anymore
lol, okay.
idk readers, i really didn't think i had an attitude. wait, i did have an attitude, but i didn't think he'd be able to see it in a text message! lmfao. okay, mind you, the whole time he texted me and shit, i was LAUGHING. oh i didn't even tell you guys that i saw him in starbucks with another girl. friend or not, i was SO over him in that one moment. why? because he NEVERRRRRR takes me ANYWHEREEEE. and he can take that bitch somewhere? okay. cool.
so, no, i'm not upset. not in the least. CGT qualifies as a bullshit person, and you all know what i JUST said about whats happening to bullshit people in the year 2009. there is no going back. he doesn't get another chance. he got one back in like, november when i dropped his ass and he came CRAWLING back to me. when he gets over this little bitch-fit, i'm sure he'll come crawling back again. unfortunately for him, he already used that second chance. my view of guys when i first meet them is that they are already a piece of shit and i wait for them to mess up. he did that already. but i believe in second chances. so once they mess up that one, we're THROUGH.
i'm not angry, just doneee.
i am tired. tired of what? lauren is tired of not being appreciated, not feeling special, arguing, bickering, and dealing with BULLSHIT people. i am so tired of listening to people saying that they're going to change in 09, but there really is something i need to change. i WILL NOT deal with people who are not worthy of my presence. whether it be friendship, a relationship, whatever. if you do not add something positive to my life, consider yourself cut-off. i believe the saying goes, 'you're in control of your own destiny' or something like that. anyway, i truly believe that, with the addition of God of course. he is actually in control of my destiny, but yeah, you get what i'm trying to say.
so what am i really saying? who am i really talking about? i'm sure the faithful readers figured it out already. CGT, i'm sick of thinking about him, talking to him, seeing him, dealing with his bitchy little attitude. i doubt i even told you ALL the bullshit i've gone through with this 'man'. this was our convo today:
CGT: hey
me: hello
CGT: why haven't i seen you?
me: idk, you tell me
CGT: you tell me...
me: i do not know. it's up to you if you want to see me
CGT: ok...it's a two way street..but its fine!
me: generally when we see eachother its at ur house, i'm not going to invite myself over. unless we go somewhere for a change
CGT: i thought we were going to the movies on the 16th
me: yeah we can, but thats a week away
CGT: no, you have a little attitude
me: i do?
CGT: i don't have time for that
me: alright..
CGT: ok
me: you don't want to talk to me anymore?
CGT: i didn't say that.. i don't talk to attitudes.. i don't do that anymore
lol, okay.
idk readers, i really didn't think i had an attitude. wait, i did have an attitude, but i didn't think he'd be able to see it in a text message! lmfao. okay, mind you, the whole time he texted me and shit, i was LAUGHING. oh i didn't even tell you guys that i saw him in starbucks with another girl. friend or not, i was SO over him in that one moment. why? because he NEVERRRRRR takes me ANYWHEREEEE. and he can take that bitch somewhere? okay. cool.
so, no, i'm not upset. not in the least. CGT qualifies as a bullshit person, and you all know what i JUST said about whats happening to bullshit people in the year 2009. there is no going back. he doesn't get another chance. he got one back in like, november when i dropped his ass and he came CRAWLING back to me. when he gets over this little bitch-fit, i'm sure he'll come crawling back again. unfortunately for him, he already used that second chance. my view of guys when i first meet them is that they are already a piece of shit and i wait for them to mess up. he did that already. but i believe in second chances. so once they mess up that one, we're THROUGH.
i'm not angry, just doneee.
Monday, January 5, 2009
all good things must come to an end?
now... i'm not saying that my break was like the best EVER, but it was good. and its not like i really don't wanna go back to school... i'm just really apprehensive about the classes i'm taking. they're going to be super challenging. i'm really nervous about that. i also hate traveling, so i'm definitely not looking forward to that!
cgt said he was happy i'm coming home and whatever, but idk. i feel like our 'relationship' is not going anywhere and sometimes i feel like i could do better. there are just some issues that i'm not sure i can deal with. i feel like i give 100% to the relaionship (as i do with all of my relationships), and he is giving maybe 30%. something big is that, i feel he doesn't listen to me. scratch that. i KNOW he doesn't listen to me. which brings me to something else. i feel like i've reeeeally matured over this break. and when i go back to cgt, i'm gonna make sure that i'm more assertive and tell him what i want from being with him. then, i'll see how bad he actually wants to be with me. i mean, i know he isn't really looking to be in a relationship, but maybe that is what I'M looking for... i don't want to stifle myself. the whole reason i went to therapy this past summer is because i felt like no one ever listened to me. on my list of things i want to do before i die, one of them is 'i want to find a friend that actually listens to me'... clearly, this is a problem! i want to be able to sit with cgt and have a conversation. a back-and-forth. to have a back-and-forth, you have to listen to the person talking. i always listen to him. i pride myself on being a good listener. this is what happens in our 'conversations'...
CGT: blahhhh blah blah blah blah blahhhhh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats so uncool.
Me: so today, my friend actually died.
CGT: ..silence..
or:
CGT: blah blahhhh blah blah blahh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats amazing, i'm so proud of you!
Me: So, my mom was telling me that my brother got accepted into the NBA!
CGT: ..silence..
it doesn't matter what i say, he never has a response, so that seems like he isn't listening, right? right.
and its also little things, like he never walks me back to my dorm, he never asks me questions about myself. like, everything he knows about me, was on facebook or i offered him the information. i do not know, readers, i do not know. when i think about the negative things, they seem so plentiful. which is nottt good. i want someone who can make me happy and actually gives a shit about me. like, one of the things that cgt did that made me SO angry, was that we were texting and i said 'i miss you' and he didn't say anything back. like, damn. in that case, i take it back, i don't miss your ass! that really made me mad. i have this habit of going above and beyond for people, and i don't even get half of that in return. what to do, what to do!!!
if you have advice for me, please leave me a comment.
cgt said he was happy i'm coming home and whatever, but idk. i feel like our 'relationship' is not going anywhere and sometimes i feel like i could do better. there are just some issues that i'm not sure i can deal with. i feel like i give 100% to the relaionship (as i do with all of my relationships), and he is giving maybe 30%. something big is that, i feel he doesn't listen to me. scratch that. i KNOW he doesn't listen to me. which brings me to something else. i feel like i've reeeeally matured over this break. and when i go back to cgt, i'm gonna make sure that i'm more assertive and tell him what i want from being with him. then, i'll see how bad he actually wants to be with me. i mean, i know he isn't really looking to be in a relationship, but maybe that is what I'M looking for... i don't want to stifle myself. the whole reason i went to therapy this past summer is because i felt like no one ever listened to me. on my list of things i want to do before i die, one of them is 'i want to find a friend that actually listens to me'... clearly, this is a problem! i want to be able to sit with cgt and have a conversation. a back-and-forth. to have a back-and-forth, you have to listen to the person talking. i always listen to him. i pride myself on being a good listener. this is what happens in our 'conversations'...
CGT: blahhhh blah blah blah blah blahhhhh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats so uncool.
Me: so today, my friend actually died.
CGT: ..silence..
or:
CGT: blah blahhhh blah blah blahh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats amazing, i'm so proud of you!
Me: So, my mom was telling me that my brother got accepted into the NBA!
CGT: ..silence..
it doesn't matter what i say, he never has a response, so that seems like he isn't listening, right? right.
and its also little things, like he never walks me back to my dorm, he never asks me questions about myself. like, everything he knows about me, was on facebook or i offered him the information. i do not know, readers, i do not know. when i think about the negative things, they seem so plentiful. which is nottt good. i want someone who can make me happy and actually gives a shit about me. like, one of the things that cgt did that made me SO angry, was that we were texting and i said 'i miss you' and he didn't say anything back. like, damn. in that case, i take it back, i don't miss your ass! that really made me mad. i have this habit of going above and beyond for people, and i don't even get half of that in return. what to do, what to do!!!
if you have advice for me, please leave me a comment.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
trying my best!
...to be optimistic. this is what has been happening in my life for the past few days.
okayy so my friends from school and i were supposed to all meet up in manhattan on sunday night. we all agreed on a time/place and i was on my way to the city. while i was on the LIRR (train), one of my friends tells me she can't make it. thats one out of three. then i get to the city and another one cancels on me. then by the time i get to the restaurant about 8 blocks away, the final friend cancels on me. so i'm in manhattan all alone, i've wasted 16 dollars on train fare and believe me when i say, i was so far beyond PISSED, that they haven't created a word to describe it yet. i called my cousin to see if she was in queens and could possibly meet up with me, but she was still in north carolina. i had nothing else to do but go right back home. i was SOOO upset. i just don't see the point of planning ahead when it holds no precedent over anything else. that put me in a bad mood, to say the least...
however, later on i went bowling with my dad and it was actually reallly fun. i used to bowl 3 or 4 times a week, but i haven't gone in about a year. i bowled rather well; my scores were 126, 129, and 168. not too shabby.
to add insult to injury, my friend's grandmother passed away. i knew her very well and she always reminded me of my own grandma so i felt a connection with her. she was such a sweet lady.
unfortunately, more bad news, my brother needs a new car and my mom needs surgery on her knee. i mean, can i please get a fucking break?! ugh!!
so monday, my cousin texted me and asked if i wanted to go out with her. so we went to BBQ's in manhattan. i got to see one of her friends that i met when i first visited her in north carolina... so i was pretty happy. i had a huuuge pina colada and my stomach was KILLING me. but after standing up for about 10 minutes, i started feeling better. my cousin was telling me about stuff in her relationship and that started to upset me. ughhhh.
then, today, i went to get my hair colored and i really like it. its like a lighter brown with a little red to it. i like it.
right now i'm just sitting in my room feeling shitty and sticking my middle finger to the world.
goodbye
okayy so my friends from school and i were supposed to all meet up in manhattan on sunday night. we all agreed on a time/place and i was on my way to the city. while i was on the LIRR (train), one of my friends tells me she can't make it. thats one out of three. then i get to the city and another one cancels on me. then by the time i get to the restaurant about 8 blocks away, the final friend cancels on me. so i'm in manhattan all alone, i've wasted 16 dollars on train fare and believe me when i say, i was so far beyond PISSED, that they haven't created a word to describe it yet. i called my cousin to see if she was in queens and could possibly meet up with me, but she was still in north carolina. i had nothing else to do but go right back home. i was SOOO upset. i just don't see the point of planning ahead when it holds no precedent over anything else. that put me in a bad mood, to say the least...
however, later on i went bowling with my dad and it was actually reallly fun. i used to bowl 3 or 4 times a week, but i haven't gone in about a year. i bowled rather well; my scores were 126, 129, and 168. not too shabby.
to add insult to injury, my friend's grandmother passed away. i knew her very well and she always reminded me of my own grandma so i felt a connection with her. she was such a sweet lady.
unfortunately, more bad news, my brother needs a new car and my mom needs surgery on her knee. i mean, can i please get a fucking break?! ugh!!
so monday, my cousin texted me and asked if i wanted to go out with her. so we went to BBQ's in manhattan. i got to see one of her friends that i met when i first visited her in north carolina... so i was pretty happy. i had a huuuge pina colada and my stomach was KILLING me. but after standing up for about 10 minutes, i started feeling better. my cousin was telling me about stuff in her relationship and that started to upset me. ughhhh.
then, today, i went to get my hair colored and i really like it. its like a lighter brown with a little red to it. i like it.
right now i'm just sitting in my room feeling shitty and sticking my middle finger to the world.
goodbye
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas yall!
yeah, i don't really have anything to say other than happy holidays, merry christmas, seasons greetings (i hate that one) and um, happy hanukkah, merry kwanzaa or yeah, whatever. sooo i decided that i want to make a list of my pet peeves, ya know, just for fun. ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY... and my ramblings in this entry :)
1. I absolutely despise when people call you or IM you with NOTHING TO SAY. i think i've written about this before... but it needs to emphasized. having a phone costs money, and you are wasting my minutes by calling with nothing to say. lol.
2. I really don't like when adults ask me if i have a boyfriend. this bothers me for a few reasons. one, how do you know i don't have a girlfriend . it also bothers me because i have NO CLUE why i don't have a boyfriend so i just shrug my shoulders at them and say 'umm i really do not know'. then they always go "really? but you're so pretty"
FUCK YOU!
3. i really hate driving, but thats not my pet peeve. my pet peeve is when you're driving on the highway, there's really not a lot of traffic, and someone behind you speeds up just to go in front of you. like, what are u trying to do? stick it to me? i don't care that you got around me. ugh.
4. this should have been number one, because it bothers me SOOO much. when i am watching tv, and people are around me talking..LOUDLY. shut. the. fuck. up. please!
5. i swear i'm quitting smoking. but this still bothers me. when i am smoking a cigarette and someone says 'smoking kills!!'. one, i know that, two, i obviously don't give a fuck because i'm still smoking, three, you telling me that isn't gonna stop me, i'm addicted motherfucker. stupid ass people
6. we'll end it here. people that no matter what the conversation is about, they make it about themselves. that is so fucking frustrating. lets just talk about ME for a second please.
peace
1. I absolutely despise when people call you or IM you with NOTHING TO SAY. i think i've written about this before... but it needs to emphasized. having a phone costs money, and you are wasting my minutes by calling with nothing to say. lol.
2. I really don't like when adults ask me if i have a boyfriend. this bothers me for a few reasons. one, how do you know i don't have a girlfriend . it also bothers me because i have NO CLUE why i don't have a boyfriend so i just shrug my shoulders at them and say 'umm i really do not know'. then they always go "really? but you're so pretty"
FUCK YOU!
3. i really hate driving, but thats not my pet peeve. my pet peeve is when you're driving on the highway, there's really not a lot of traffic, and someone behind you speeds up just to go in front of you. like, what are u trying to do? stick it to me? i don't care that you got around me. ugh.
4. this should have been number one, because it bothers me SOOO much. when i am watching tv, and people are around me talking..LOUDLY. shut. the. fuck. up. please!
5. i swear i'm quitting smoking. but this still bothers me. when i am smoking a cigarette and someone says 'smoking kills!!'. one, i know that, two, i obviously don't give a fuck because i'm still smoking, three, you telling me that isn't gonna stop me, i'm addicted motherfucker. stupid ass people
6. we'll end it here. people that no matter what the conversation is about, they make it about themselves. that is so fucking frustrating. lets just talk about ME for a second please.
peace
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Ten Points for YOUUU darling
haha.
okey dokey, remember Thomas? yeah, so i spoke to him on the phone for **I KID YOU NOT!** FIVE hours. FIVEEEE. this is unprecedented because i do not...scratch that... i DESPISE talking on the phone. it was an actual conversation, we had a back and forth, he asked me questions, i asked him questions, it was great. he is so sweet and wonderful. the one downside you ask? he is not looking to be in a relationship. well su-fucking-prise. lol. of course you're not! i don't know what the issue is with men these days. they are like scared of commitment more than ever. and you know what? the only reason they get away with that BULLSHIT is because we LET them! if girls stopped talking to guys that just wanted to be FWB's or just 'talking' of fuck buddies, or whatever, they would be alone.. and horny. i mean, my personal plan is to just be my normal charming self and eventually he'll fall in love with me just like the others. hahaha. but i'm totally serious. okay. this brings me to the title of this entry 'ten points for you darling':
the first ten points he gets is from the following goings on: we're on the phone and he's looking through my profile pictures and saying which ones he likes. haha. so he says out of nowhere, 'you're like, really cute'... well duh, of course i am.
second ten points: he sees a picture of my mother and says 'wow, she's gorgeous'... definitely, thats where i get it from!
ten more: we're talking... i say something and he says, 'you're freakin adorable' ...hes a quick one!
i am super duper happy because we're hanging out tomorrow :) i can't wait to see him and our other mutual friend that i haven't seen in a YEAR! so i'm excited as hell. and i am going to finish this entry with a beautiful line from my homegirl india arie...
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart
ugh, how beautiful is that? like honestly that is all i want! especially the last part, a man who thinks with his heart? wow india, you soooo get me!
i love you, readers!
peace<3
okey dokey, remember Thomas? yeah, so i spoke to him on the phone for **I KID YOU NOT!** FIVE hours. FIVEEEE. this is unprecedented because i do not...scratch that... i DESPISE talking on the phone. it was an actual conversation, we had a back and forth, he asked me questions, i asked him questions, it was great. he is so sweet and wonderful. the one downside you ask? he is not looking to be in a relationship. well su-fucking-prise. lol. of course you're not! i don't know what the issue is with men these days. they are like scared of commitment more than ever. and you know what? the only reason they get away with that BULLSHIT is because we LET them! if girls stopped talking to guys that just wanted to be FWB's or just 'talking' of fuck buddies, or whatever, they would be alone.. and horny. i mean, my personal plan is to just be my normal charming self and eventually he'll fall in love with me just like the others. hahaha. but i'm totally serious. okay. this brings me to the title of this entry 'ten points for you darling':
the first ten points he gets is from the following goings on: we're on the phone and he's looking through my profile pictures and saying which ones he likes. haha. so he says out of nowhere, 'you're like, really cute'... well duh, of course i am.
second ten points: he sees a picture of my mother and says 'wow, she's gorgeous'... definitely, thats where i get it from!
ten more: we're talking... i say something and he says, 'you're freakin adorable' ...hes a quick one!
i am super duper happy because we're hanging out tomorrow :) i can't wait to see him and our other mutual friend that i haven't seen in a YEAR! so i'm excited as hell. and i am going to finish this entry with a beautiful line from my homegirl india arie...
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart
ugh, how beautiful is that? like honestly that is all i want! especially the last part, a man who thinks with his heart? wow india, you soooo get me!
i love you, readers!
peace<3
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