my type of guy

since i broke up with lawrence, i haven't talked to any guys really. i did this on purpose. i've been putting all my efforts into LAUREN..thats me! i never do. i never reflect. i never analyze my thoughts. i never put all my effort into bettering myself. why? you may ask??? because i always put half of my effort into me, the other half goes to the guy of the moment. and its really not fair to me. to be honest...its a little overwhelming to put so much focus on myself. its scary to really look deep into your own soul, analyze your thoughts, analyze your dreams. i've been writing so much, i can't stop. i've written today like three times. its because i've got so many thoughts. its crazy. yesterday was really weird. i'm menstrual and very emotional and i kept crying. a lot of things are going on in my life. my ex is in a new relationship. i kind of don't care. mostly because she isn't better looking than me. and i'm actually happy that he has someone else, hes a good person. he deserves a good girlfriend. lawrence tried to talk to my friend. lol. i couldn't even get upset. because it was hilarious. he approached her the same way he approached me. how unoriginal! i talked to my therapist about him. and it was weird. i hadn't talked about him in so long, i didn't even tell my mom about him. i tell my mom about every guy i like, and i just did NOT wanna talk about him. why would i want to? he was the first male to ever make me think less of myself. thats a record breaker right there. i don't like thinking about lawrence. he messed with my heart and i don't like when people do that to me. he would drop me and then pick me up and tossed me around like a ragdoll. i don't appreciate that. and he had the nerve to tell me that i wasn't ALL THAT GREAT! i am that great. and its not just my opinion. its my moms, dads, brothers AND friends opinions of me. what makes you, a person i only knew for like a month, think its okay to make me feel less than. anyway. he isn't that important. actually he is really important. i learned what i DO NOT want in a boyfriend. so thanks lawrence! i can't even tell you how much i love going to the therapist lady. shes great. i love just talking and talking and having someone listen. i'm learning about myself. i really got totally off topic. this is supposed to be about my "type of guy" here we go:

1. Must be taller than me which isn't difficult, i'm only five foot two inches
2. Must be willing to abstain from sex, because thats what i want to do
3. Must be somewhat attractive to me
4. Must love his mom and be respectful to her
5. Must love music of ALL kinds
6. Must have some kind of relationship with God
7. Must be okay with my sexuality...and not be threatened by it
8. Must get along with my friends
9. Must be tidy...like, have a clean room
10. Must love me a LOT and mean it when he says it
11. Must have his own money
12. Must be a good conversationalist
13. Must read books lol
14. Must have a text messaging plan HA!
15. Must have a sense of style that I like
16. Must not look at other girls in my presence
17. Must buy me things on occasion
18. Must like animals
19. Must like helping the environment
20. Must be a TV or movie buff

these are things that i like, or are important to me, or i wish i could find in someone. this time around, i am not looking for anyone im gonna let God reveal someone to me. maybe i'll date a girl, maybe i'll date a guy, maybe i won't date. i'm sure if God has anything to do with it, it'll probably be a guy... but i like girls sometimes... so i can't rule them out of the equation. girls are so great...i never made a list of things i like in girls before, it can't hurt to try right?

1. I like curly hair on girls, because mine is straight
2. Must be curvy
3. I prefer dark hair
4. About my height or slightly taller
5. Has to like music
6. Has to smell good
7. Has to be kinda girly
8. Has to have a sweet voice
9. Has to be soft spoken

thats all i can think of. i wish i could go to sleep.