out of boredom..

.. comes blogging!

lol.

today was uneventful pretty much.
i woke up at like 11:30 and rushed to get dressed so i could get a breakfast sandwich before 12 lmao.. my life is so sad. after that, i went back home and ate my sammy. then i basically just sat around and did nothing for a while. my parents came home from church and my mom told me about it. [i told my mom that i will no longer be attending church. its not that i have changed my beliefs, its just that, i think my church is basically corrupt.. well, at least the people are]... so nigel wanted a coolata from dunkin donuts, and so did my mom, so i took him to get them. then i did some grocery shopping for my mom at waldbaums. when i got back home, i got ready for work and did 80 the whole way there to avoid being too late. eh, who cares?

work was average. not too busy but not dead. i probably made a decent amount. i worked with a girl i haven't worked with before.. eh, i dunno how i feel about her. she is young and kind of annoying. everrrryone hates her... and i can kinda see why. she has a little bit of an attitude.

most importantly... a new season of degrassi starts soon. i can't freaking wait! i've been following this show for soo long, i feel like they are my friends. i cried when they graduated, i feel their pain, i know their stories, i know who dated who. i love that show man!

i'm tired.

...and now, for the finale!

okay! the decisions have all been made. i kept calling the doctor's office and she told me that i could move up the surgery date if i went to a different hospital. my surgery will be on July 9th (the same day as the John Mayer concert that i had tix to go to). i asked franci to find someone else to go to. i was really looking forward to the concert, but this surgery couldn't be put off. i am finally at a point where i don't have to worry about this anymore. i have been totally focused on this surgery for months, and its like, finally i can breathe and live my life. thank GOD.

good news bad news

why does my life SUCK?!

okay, yesterday was a really good day for me. i found out that my insurance decided to cover my surgery. all was well and good. the only step left was to figure out the date for the surgery. the date part was supposed to be the fastest and easiest right. so i call about an hour ago and she tells me that she has nothing until the end of july! okay, that would be okay except for the fact that i'm going away for the last two weeks of july. basically all thats left is the beginning of august. i definitely DON'T want to wait until august because thats too close to school for my personal comfort. the only other option is to not get the fucking surgery. i can't believe this is happening. maybe its really not meant to happen. all the bullshit i've gone through for NOTHING. i can't do this. its tearing me apart. this is something i've wanted for YEARS and this is the closest i've ever been to actually doing it. of course everything goes sour. i can't bear the thought of waiting until next summer and having to go through the whole insurance bullshit AGAIN. this is unbearable really. this whole process. this is the perfect time in my life to have this done, but everything else is getting fucked up along the way. my parents even said if i get it done during the end of july, i could stay home during my vacation. the thought of that makes me absolutely cringe because i look forward to martha's vineyard so much. i would hate to not be able to go. even though this surgery means A WHOOOLE LOT to me, i LOVE martha's vineyard, and i really don't want to miss it. this is one of the worst situations i've ever been in.

more later.

another update

okay, so its monday today. by now, i was SUPPOSED to have an answer. of course i don't have one. i'm not surprised actually but i really was hoping that it would happen today. i hate this whole, waiting in the valence thing. i wrote before that they said they would expedite the process... when, i called today they said the only time they expedite anything is if it is life or death. i don't know who to believe or what the hell to do. at this point i'm truly starting to give up hope. i feel like this is just not going to happen for me. i'm on such a tight schedule and if i can't even get answer by mid june, it only leaves me a week or two to get an answer and i just don't see that happening. i really want this for myself, but right now, i'm going to come to terms with it, leave it to my dad to duke out with Cigna, and get it set in my mind that this is just NOT going to happen for me. it sucks and i'm tired of being crushed everyday when i think i'm going to get the answer. the people at Cigna are fucking retarded, i will not be getting an answer ANYTIME soon, and this dream i've had for four years is really going down the drain until next summer the earliest.

mini-update

well. after the last incident, i called the doctor's office and the surgeon's secretary told me she would contact the insurance company and tell them off. sounded good to me. so she called me back and told me that they expedited the process and i should find out by monday (a day away from today)... so i've got to wait one more day until i find out. at this point, its in god's hands and i'm just going to sit back and let it unfold. you know, i'm really scared. mostly, i'm scared of not being COMPLETELY under when they start the surgery, i'm also scared that i'll have a bad reaction to the anesthesia and throw up a lot afterwards. i'm not scared for the pain of it, i have a high tolerance for pain actually. plus, it'll be nice to not move for a week lol. i'm more excited than scared actually. this is going to mean, the end of PAIN. pain that i feel from the moment i wake up until the moment i go to sleep. this is back pain that i've experienced for the past 4 or 5 years. i can't wait for that to be over. the thing i fear the most, is being DENIED. if they deny my case, i'll have to start saving up NOW to pay for this surgery out of pocket and get it done years from now. i do not want that to happen. anyway, i'm getting myself nervous for no reason...i'm going to write about my night last night...

so i saw my friend diego thursday and he said he wanted to hang out on friday. he asked what i wanted to do and i said, smoke weed. sounded good to the both of us sooo thats what we did friday night. it was cool. remember that um, i stopped smoking a while ago, and that night i think i smoked about 5 or 6 cigarettes, i was SO mad at myself. all i know is i won't smoke again until after my surgery (if it happens that is). see how my life revolves around this surgery?! ugh! ttyl man, ttyl

okay, i'm gonna fucking lose it now

i swear to fucking god, i am going to lose my mind. as you read in the last post, the lady told me i would find out within 48 hours. the bitch made me believe that i was going to find out today or tomorrow or some shit. i called again today right, and when he told me it was still pending, i thought i was gonna come through the phone on this man. so he puts me on hold for about 5 minutes. then he tells me the same information i got yesterday only with a new little nugget of information, it would be in review for up to another 20 days. when that he said those words, i...went...OFF. i have never in my life screamed at someone i didn't know, the way i did him. i was laying down when i called, but by the time i was done with him, i was sitting straight up. i had my full-on Tanisha voice going on top of everything. i said, "YOU GUYS HAVE HAD THIS CASE SINCE APRIL, IF YOU GUYS WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IN APRIL THAT IT WAS GOING TO TAKE THREE TO FOUR MONTHS, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO UPSET!!! EVERY TIME I CALL, YOU ADD ON ANOTHER 15, 20, 30 DAYS!! WHEN I FIRST CALL, SHE TELLS ME 40 DAYS, I WAIT THAT AMOUNT OF TIME AND NOTHING!!! NOW YESTERDAY I CALLED AND SHE TELLS ME 48 HOURS WHEN IT IS REALLY ANOTHER 20 DAYS, SHE SHOULDA TOLD ME THIS YESTERDAY!" he tells me it really shouldn't take longer than a week blah blah blah. i am fucking pissed off. i can't even begin to tell you how mad that shit made me. they should've told me in april that it would take the remainder of my fucking life to find out, then i would've been a lot more fucking understanding. i'm gonna go call the doctors office now. i haven't been this mad in a long time. omg. i need a cigarette soooo badly right now.

lady, i will go ape shit on your ass!

as yall know, i've been waiting to hear from my insurance company to tell me if i am covered to have my reduction surgery or not. i didn't trust them to just come forth with the information so i took it upon myself to keep track of the insurance company's progress. here's a timeline for ya...

Mid March: Lauren goes to the surgeon for the first time, has an exam. he says that she is a good candidate and tells her and her mom the next steps in getting the surgery.

End of March: all information is sent to Cigna (insurance company)

Mid to End of April: Lauren calls Cigna for the first time and asks if she is covered. the lady on the phone says that they JUSTTT received the information and it will take 40 days. okey dokey

:::Lauren waits 40 days:::

May: Lauren begins calling Cigna again... they say they are reviewing the case... and it could take another 15 days. lauren tells the lady that this is RIDICULOUS.

End of May: Lauren goes to NC. when she comes back, she calls again. they tell her that its still in review. lauren tells the bitch to put some urgency on the case cuz a bitch has no time to waste. the lady says okay.

Yesterday: Lauren calls (completely ready to go off if they tell her some more bullshit) Cigna. here is the dialogue

Lauren: hi, i'm calling about coverage for a breast reduction surgery
Operator Lady: okaaay, well let me look it up. can i put you on hold?
Lauren: sure why not.
:::corny ass music:::
O.L.: hello?
Lauren: hi
O.L.: Well it says here that the case is in review
Lauren: yes, well i am completely aware of that. you guys have had the case in your possession for WELL over the quoted time that you gave me. i need to know how much longer until i find out. i'm going to take your answer to that question very lightly because every time i call, i get the same answer of 30 days and that is just RIDICULOUS.
O.L.: okaaay, well its in the nurse's review phase as of.... June 10th.
Lauren: YESTERDAY?!!!
O.L: well actually, the case was sent to the wrong dept. and it arrived in the right one June 9th and has been in nurse's review since June 10th.
Lauren: okay so how long does it stay in that phase?
O.L.: it takes about 24-48 hours (finally an answer i can deal with)
Lauren: well thank you
O.L: have a nice day
Lauren: yeah, you too

So thats the end of the timeline.. hopefully later today i will have an answer!!! dear lord, its been one heck of a journey. i was so ready to go off on her. whoooo! my sanity is wearing SOO thin!