trying my best!

...to be optimistic. this is what has been happening in my life for the past few days.

okayy so my friends from school and i were supposed to all meet up in manhattan on sunday night. we all agreed on a time/place and i was on my way to the city. while i was on the LIRR (train), one of my friends tells me she can't make it. thats one out of three. then i get to the city and another one cancels on me. then by the time i get to the restaurant about 8 blocks away, the final friend cancels on me. so i'm in manhattan all alone, i've wasted 16 dollars on train fare and believe me when i say, i was so far beyond PISSED, that they haven't created a word to describe it yet. i called my cousin to see if she was in queens and could possibly meet up with me, but she was still in north carolina. i had nothing else to do but go right back home. i was SOOO upset. i just don't see the point of planning ahead when it holds no precedent over anything else. that put me in a bad mood, to say the least...
however, later on i went bowling with my dad and it was actually reallly fun. i used to bowl 3 or 4 times a week, but i haven't gone in about a year. i bowled rather well; my scores were 126, 129, and 168. not too shabby.

to add insult to injury, my friend's grandmother passed away. i knew her very well and she always reminded me of my own grandma so i felt a connection with her. she was such a sweet lady.

unfortunately, more bad news, my brother needs a new car and my mom needs surgery on her knee. i mean, can i please get a fucking break?! ugh!!

so monday, my cousin texted me and asked if i wanted to go out with her. so we went to BBQ's in manhattan. i got to see one of her friends that i met when i first visited her in north carolina... so i was pretty happy. i had a huuuge pina colada and my stomach was KILLING me. but after standing up for about 10 minutes, i started feeling better. my cousin was telling me about stuff in her relationship and that started to upset me. ughhhh.

then, today, i went to get my hair colored and i really like it. its like a lighter brown with a little red to it. i like it.
right now i'm just sitting in my room feeling shitty and sticking my middle finger to the world.

goodbye

Merry Christmas yall!

yeah, i don't really have anything to say other than happy holidays, merry christmas, seasons greetings (i hate that one) and um, happy hanukkah, merry kwanzaa or yeah, whatever. sooo i decided that i want to make a list of my pet peeves, ya know, just for fun. ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY... and my ramblings in this entry :)

1. I absolutely despise when people call you or IM you with NOTHING TO SAY. i think i've written about this before... but it needs to emphasized. having a phone costs money, and you are wasting my minutes by calling with nothing to say. lol.

2. I really don't like when adults ask me if i have a boyfriend. this bothers me for a few reasons. one, how do you know i don't have a girlfriend . it also bothers me because i have NO CLUE why i don't have a boyfriend so i just shrug my shoulders at them and say 'umm i really do not know'. then they always go "really? but you're so pretty"
FUCK YOU!

3. i really hate driving, but thats not my pet peeve. my pet peeve is when you're driving on the highway, there's really not a lot of traffic, and someone behind you speeds up just to go in front of you. like, what are u trying to do? stick it to me? i don't care that you got around me. ugh.

4. this should have been number one, because it bothers me SOOO much. when i am watching tv, and people are around me talking..LOUDLY. shut. the. fuck. up. please!

5. i swear i'm quitting smoking. but this still bothers me. when i am smoking a cigarette and someone says 'smoking kills!!'. one, i know that, two, i obviously don't give a fuck because i'm still smoking, three, you telling me that isn't gonna stop me, i'm addicted motherfucker. stupid ass people

6. we'll end it here. people that no matter what the conversation is about, they make it about themselves. that is so fucking frustrating. lets just talk about ME for a second please.

peace

Ten Points for YOUUU darling

haha.

okey dokey, remember Thomas? yeah, so i spoke to him on the phone for **I KID YOU NOT!** FIVE hours. FIVEEEE. this is unprecedented because i do not...scratch that... i DESPISE talking on the phone. it was an actual conversation, we had a back and forth, he asked me questions, i asked him questions, it was great. he is so sweet and wonderful. the one downside you ask? he is not looking to be in a relationship. well su-fucking-prise. lol. of course you're not! i don't know what the issue is with men these days. they are like scared of commitment more than ever. and you know what? the only reason they get away with that BULLSHIT is because we LET them! if girls stopped talking to guys that just wanted to be FWB's or just 'talking' of fuck buddies, or whatever, they would be alone.. and horny. i mean, my personal plan is to just be my normal charming self and eventually he'll fall in love with me just like the others. hahaha. but i'm totally serious. okay. this brings me to the title of this entry 'ten points for you darling':

the first ten points he gets is from the following goings on: we're on the phone and he's looking through my profile pictures and saying which ones he likes. haha. so he says out of nowhere, 'you're like, really cute'... well duh, of course i am.

second ten points: he sees a picture of my mother and says 'wow, she's gorgeous'... definitely, thats where i get it from!

ten more: we're talking... i say something and he says, 'you're freakin adorable' ...hes a quick one!

i am super duper happy because we're hanging out tomorrow :) i can't wait to see him and our other mutual friend that i haven't seen in a YEAR! so i'm excited as hell. and i am going to finish this entry with a beautiful line from my homegirl india arie...

I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

ugh, how beautiful is that? like honestly that is all i want! especially the last part, a man who thinks with his heart? wow india, you soooo get me!

i love you, readers!
peace<3

aint, that. funny.

this is a follow up of 'chuuuuch'.... wow.

so i have always been fascinated by the members of my church. they are too funny to me. like i said earlier, i used to loveeee youth group when i was like 13 and 14, but eventually grew out of that. now, my church is very big on making you feel guilty about doing 'bad things' and missing church or youth group. they try to make you feel like you are missed, but you and i both know what they're really saying... i'll even do an interpretation for you:
church member: oh lauren, we really missed you these past few wednesdays, you oughta come back soon!!
interpretation: lauren, now you know should be here at church instead of doing all of those WORLDLY things that you do... get yo ass back in church!!

lol.

but seriously, thats how they are! and now, i see these SAME people out and about, smoking, drinking, fucking, sucking, partying, and doing everything that is 'unholy' and it cracks me up. hahaha!!! honestly, you church people make me sick to my fucking stomach. live your life. don't tell me what i should be doing or what i shouldn't be doing. see, thats the thing, they're so focused on what everyone else in the church is doing that they can't even get they're own motherfucking life straight. it makes me truly sick.

btw... i'm getting a bit disturbed by the amount of grown ups/ my friend's parent's getting facebooks. but its okay because i took down my trifling pictures :)

Poetry

i don't like poetry... at all. but i really like this one poem... its from harold and kumar, but i find it very cute:

I fear that I will always be
a lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight,

Beneath the vicious square root sign?
I wish instead I were a nine,

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see?
Another square root of a three,
has quietly come waltzing by

Together now we multiply
to form a number we prefer,
rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
with the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
<3

My Natural Hair Journey/ Boy News

i thank lady nele for helping my dumb ass out with the whole video embedding thing. i'm not really technologically inclined. regardless, i figured out how to make a video and it is sooooo good. here it is...



hope you enjoyed it... comment and rate on youtube pleeeease.

okay so... last night was extremely interesting. i was invited by my good outback friend to go to fridays for her going away party. i was reluctant (because i am a homebody) but i dragged myself out anyway. i ended up sitting across from her cousin, lets name him, Thomas. lol. okay so lets describe Thomas, hes black, duh, hes wearing a brown button-down shirt, a tan sweater over it, and a tan polo jacket...jeans, and brown loafers. lol. wholesome. i asked where he goes to school and he said liberty. for those of you who don't know, that is a christian college. sooo, we proceeded to talk and what not... he is turning 19. ahh! so young!!!! but literally, that is the only 'flaw' that he has. he is so sweet and nice and funny and not douche-like. hes a christian and hes a virgin and hes waiting for the 'right person'. *GASP* times a billion. so we sorta kinda sorta kidna kissed... ah! thats maybe not a good thing, but honestly CGT has been nothing short of an asshole and i fucking deserve to be happy. if someone other than cgt will make me happy, i'm not going to pass that up. that would be stupid! anyway... he seems totally cool and legit... and i reeeeally liked talking to him and i really do wanna hang out with him in the future. i'll keep my faithful readers posted : )

don't forget to comment on my video!!!

leave you wanting more...

yeah, i should leave u wanting more, readers, but i stay at home alone all day and i get lonely because i have no one to talk to and i just write about me (usually uneventful) days... anywayyyy... today was uneventful. lol.
1. woke up
2. watched maury of course
3. ate breakfast
4. knitted
5. met with franci for lunch (delishh)
6. sat on my fat ass... ate cookies
7. la la laaaa
8. drove around a bit
9. got taunted by my brothers
10. got a call from CGT!!
11. watched the biggest loser
12. now i'm writing to you fabulous people! my gorgeous fabulous amazing followers! yay!

oh a quick btw. i was supposed to come home and work at outback again. i got FUCKED by them and now i don't have a job for the break. thankfully my neighbors need me to babysit for a few different days. i'm broke as a mafuckin joke right now.. and i barely have any gas in my stupid tank. GRR.

item number two. that commercial for guitar hero with corbin bleu... Ohhhhh lawd. that boy is too fine for his own good. i hope i never run into him on the street because i will make a fool of myself and possibly get arrested for a number of things such as public nudity, disorderly conduct, and possibly rape. i really need to figure out how to embed videos... let's try it out...

Monday Hangover

let me tell you about yesterday.

it was sunday. my brother/cgt awakened me with text messages. nigel's text was asking if i wanted a breakfast sandwich, which i did. cgt's message was a 'good morning' text. cgt and i had a small back and forth, he asked what i was doing, i said that i was in bed, he asked if i wished that he was there. i said 'yepp, i miss your snoring" he said, "you snore as well"...i know i do. anyway. nigel brings back the sandwiches. my sandwich was all fucked up, no sausage! UGHHHH! then i asked for a lemonade, but they gave me a freaking iced tea! UGHHH! greenway deli.. YOU SUCK! anyhoo, i pretty much layed around, talked on the phone, and knitted until around 3pm when i left to go to queens. my cousin, her friend, and i went to see cadillac records. btw, this was my first time going to the movies in a YEAR... crazy, i know. i'm glad we saw it...it was GREAT, even though beyonce was in it, and i can't stand beyonce. that movie was awesome. then we went to nakisaki for dinner/drinks.. it was yummylicious! slightly tipsy, we decided to go get some smirnoff ice and candy and watch the end of the sex and the city movie at my cousins house. that was very fun. then we pretty much fell asleep. pretty fun night in my eyes!

today, we woke up around 10 and got ready. then we went over to pace university (where my cousin goes to school) and watched some upperclassmen put on a series of plays... it was okay.. not really my cup of tea. then we wanted to get something to eat, but parking in manhattan is a joke. sooo we went back to brooklyn and got mcdonalds and went to my cousin's friend's house. we watched a wack ass true life episode and that was pretty much it...up until now. lol.

of course, an update with cgt business. idk... honestly. he is on a trip right now trying to get certification for something, and i guess he doesn't really have time to talk to me? who knows. quick story for yall...

okay, so one of the trainers at my gym... lets call him Robby. lol. Okay, Robby is really good looking. the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. he has a basketball player build... to make it terse, he is FINE lol. about a week or two ago, we were having a conversation at the gym and exchanged numbers. like, 2 days ago i was bored and decided to text him. i said 'you miss me yet?' lol. he calls me right after and a conversation ensues. basically he says 'i mean, you're feelin me, i'm feelin you, let's just cut the bullshit.' i don't know where he got this idea from, but it was funny as hell to me. well, i am physically attracted to him, and he is actually intelligent which i dig.. but he is cocky as hell and that is SO unattractive to me. anyway, after the last comment he made, i said, 'listen, i am not going to sleep with you so if that's what you THINK is gonna happen....' and then he like, gets all defensive like 'who said anything about sleeping with anybody' blah blah blah. YOU DID motherfucker! he said 'lets just cut the bullshit' ...well uhh... cut the bullshit to WHAT is my question. anyway. it was ridiculous and hilarious. i might be wrong, but i kinda wanna talk to Robby because it will take my mind off of the bullshit i must go through with CGT. readers, help me out with this one...

this is my brain on....VACATION

my winter break has been great so far. very little stress in my life. i'm just waiting for my grades to finally come in. that could take weeks. who knows?? here's what i've done so far.
wednesday: came home. cut off all my hair. went to sleep. EVENTFULLLL!
thursday: i woke up like super early and messed around doing nothing, then i went to sleep until about 11:30am. when i woke up my mom came home from work early so i talked to her for a bit. then i went to the verizon store because my phone was all messed up. they gave me a new one! then i went to European Republic... one of my favorite food places on the island. it was yummmmmyyyy. then i picked my brother up from school a little later. i don't think i did much else, probably just went to bed. haha. (i sleep a lot when i'm home)
friday: i woke up around 8am and then i made the silly decision to go to the gym. as you know i have been going to washington sports club and because i'm now a member, i can go to other sports clubs. so i went to NY sports clubs. UGH i hated it. its like the size of the average living room. its like a bunch of treadmills on top of each other. omg. that shit was SO tiny. i hate feeling cramped when i'm trying to work out. i think i'll try a different one on long island. because that was nooo good. when i came home i ate breakfast and then watched CSI until i fell asleep. (see, more sleep) lets see.. today!
today i woke up and did some nothing, lol... then i went for a run with my dad. its annoying running with him cuz he likes to talk and i like to focus on running. anyhoo, it was good. i was impressed with my endurance! speaking of which, i wanna lose between 10 and 13 pounds during this vacation. thats my lil goal. lol. now i'm just hanging out with my friend and my brother and his friend at my house cuz my parents aren't home. i loveeee vacation.

The Big Chop

thats right. i did it! i chopped off all of my hair. haha. it is soooo great! i feel like i've been freed from the chains of my permed hair! and i'm so happy with it, i honestly do not care what people have to say about it because i think its so great. i love the curl pattern that i had no idea that i had. yes, it is quite short, but i like it! when it grows out more, it will look even cuter and i'll be able to do more with it. i might color it..but i don't know yet. i love love LOVE it. I told CGT and he didn't seem to care (which is good!) and i'm going to send him a picture. we'll see how that goes lol. i am sooo happy!!!

so bittersweet!

today is THE day. i'm on my way home as i type! but i'm not fully happy. why? because of CGT! UGH! i feel like such a pussy. i'm supposed to be tough and look at me. WEAK! i was like, genuinely upset when i left him this morning. i was walking back to my dorm listening to 'i'm yours' by jason mraz and i was feeling like, sad. ew. lauren! snap out of it! okay. but i'm also gonna miss my good good friends such as dani *shouts to dani b!* lol. on to more important things...

i have a HUGE period-related pimple on my chin right now. it HURTS SO BADDDD!!!

item number two: i was recently put on to www.pandora.com it is like, the coolest thing ever. you create an account with the site and then basically, you type in an artist or song. they'll play a song from the artist and then they play other songs by similar sounding artists. you create your own radio station basically. it can be really nice. and you can make as many stations as you want. its really great. try it out.

item number three: i am really truly excited to go home. tonight i'm chopping off all of my hair. i'm not being girly and dramatic like, i'm actually only trimming it or something... i am literally cutting off ALL my hair. well not all per-se, but it's going to be very very short. lol. i'm SHITTING. like i'm really scared, but my hair sucks and i'm tired of it honestly. btw, don't try to stop me. i'm DOING it. remember how i said a while ago that i was going 'natural'... yeah, this is the 'big chop' part of it. so um, yeah. pictures are inevitable on this one... even if i hate it.

thats all folks!

peace!

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

well, of course.. several things. but one in particular is in question...

i am not stressed about finals. ask me how many books i cracked today... go ahead... okay. NONE. finals don't make or break my grade so i just refuse to pull all-nighters, chain smoke, or lose my mind over it. if i'm tired, that means its time for my body to rest... not stay up and 'study'. no no no. it doesn't work like that for me. i need to sleep at night and be awake in the morning and afternoon. period. so, right now i'm fucking tired. i'm not about to try and focus on something really important. nope!

item number two. i hate this song "my president is black". the song isn't remotely intelligent and i don't want my hubby barack involved in that niggerdom.

item number three. i hate my one R.A. he is so stupid! he is really loud and obnoxious. if i have an issue, i'm definitely not going to his dumb country bumpkin ass. ew.

item number four... we're doing five items today. this item is about flirting. no, i have not really mastered this art. sad, i know. i feel like flirting is so pointless. if the guy is not interested in me, flirting is obsolete right? i don't know but, thats how i feel. if u feel me like that, ask for my number. flirting is stupid... thats not really what i wanted to talk about... the question i'm posing to you readers is this... you tell me what this means:
*text messaging*
Girl: Heyy
Guy: Hey you..
is that flirtatious of the guy? my best guy friend said "yes" no hesitation... my brother said "it could be"... what do you guys think? because i think its definitely flirtatious... however as i said earlier, i have not mastered this art by any means.

item number five: jazmine sullivan. i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE her. i hope i don't ever meet her because i won't know how to act. if you don't know her that well (because she is rather new) you should listen to the following songs (not her hits, i need you bad, lions tigers and bears, or bust your windows... even though those are good)
1. one night stand
2. silent tears
3. switch
4. make u stay
5. her remake of 'prototype'

some of those aren't on the album 'fearless' but they're still good, just listen to them on youtube. kay? cool.

okay, i am so freaking tired so i'm gonna go pee and then hit the hey! or is it hay... idk!
peace

i really don't appreciate that...

okay sooooo here is the deal. i hate to write when i'm feeling bitchy because its annoying to read. but i have to do it today. soo lets begin.

if lauren decides she is going to go to a class, she expects that the teacher is there and ready to teach. i don't appreciate lateness and i don't appreciate teachers just not showing up without warning. today i went to my much neglected math class and was furious to realize that this motherfucker was not coming. so i went back to my room. later on i went to my other two classes, the last one being french. mind you, it takes all that is within me to bring myself to that class, so today, when she didn't show up... i almost lost it! not to mention, this is the week before finals! i need that extra boost before i go into these exams and my teachers had the nerve to just not show up! i'm so upset. my parents pay out the ass to send me to this school and the teachers don't even fucking show up the week before finals. that is some motherfuckin bullshit and i am really not pleased! ugh.

peace<3

Thanksgiving Weekend : )

out of the three trips home, this weekend was by far the BEST! lets start from the beginning. my aunt picked me up tuesday night. she lives in silver spring, md. which is about 20 minutes away. my cousin and i just chilled and watched a "Dan in Real Life. it was GREAT, if u like "The Family Stone" you'll really like it. it was great, i would buy it on DVD! sooo, we went to sleep around 3am (up talking and doing girl stuff lol) ... so we had to wake up at 6:15 ish so that we could leave for new york. i couldn't wait because i really wanted to go home (duh!). the trip took about 5 hrs, but i slept most of the way, so it was good. when i got home, only my little brother was there, along with about 6 workers who were putting in new windows. it was a bit startling lol. after a while my cousin and aunt left, and my mom came home and shortly after, my dad came home too. then, i went to go get my hair done as i was in desperate neeeed! lol. since my moms friend lives next to the hair salon, i visited her for a bit and we talked about why she voted for mccain... very interesting. i was shocked that she had some decent points. anyhoo, i left there and went to go get my eyebrows done, of COURSE i got burned. ugh! once that was done, i got my dad a birthday card and my family and i went out to dinner. we went to majors steak house and it was (surprisingly) very good. right after that, i went into huntington village to meet up with my friends and subsequently saw everyone else who attends or once attended harborfields high school. we all realized that where we live might be the most boring place ever, in history. we spent about an hour trying to figure out what to do that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg. so we all just piled up in my car and drove around the village blasting spice girls and christina aguilera. it was really entertaining. then some more friends came and we hung out for a bit. then we went to wendy's to get some stuff from the value menu lol. we all had to pee so we went to pathmark to use their bathroom. ensuite, we went back to the village and everyone parted ways. i really enjoyed that night because we had fun without drugs, alcohol, or especially, my vice, cigarettes.
this brings us to thursday. the first thing i did was go for a run because i didn't want to experience too much guilt. i was really proud of myself for doing that. after that, i showered, went to the deli, and visited kaitlin. it was sooo lovely seeing her and talk to her. she is one of my few friends that knows soo much history about me and vice versa. it was really great seeing her ; )... so when i left kaitlin's, i went back home and tried to avoid helping my mom. i just HATE setting up for holiday gatherings at my house. i don't know why, its like, a childhood thing. around 2 my moms friend, the one that was mentioned before, came over with her two kids and helped my mom set up. somewhere in there, i took a nap..lol. around 4:30 my family started showing up. i was happy for that because i couldn't wait to eat the fooood!!!! it just smelled so good! i was happy to see my cousins, aunts, uncle, grandma etc. i really love my family. they're pretty funny people. i also met the newest addition to our family... little cousin TJ!! he was sooo freaking adorable! hes 10 months old, although he looks like a toddler already. he was the most mild mannered baby i've ever seen in my life. he came to the house sleeping, smiled, laughed, and ate all night, then left quietly. a few random screams of excitement, but no crying at all. he even liked princess, the hyperactive dog. lol. it was the cutest thing i've ever seen. he was in his walker and princess was sitting next to him and he actually reached out and pulled on her ear. i don't think princess liked that... but it was funny as HELL! lol. i love that kid. the first time i saw him, he was still in the womb, so it was really like meeting him for the first time. any baby that doesn't cry in my arms is cool with me! so everyone left, minus my cousin, and i got ready for bed. then my bestie called and said he wanted to visit me really quick. i was super stoked and told him to come over. i met his friend and we reminisced about the good ol' days in jack and jill and our good memories from middle school and high school. i love that kid. then i slipped into a coma. this brings us to friday...
because i am broke, there was not a whole lot of black friday shopping going on in my life. i wanted to make some gifts, so i bought some yarn so that i could knit some hats, scarves, and things of that nature. lol. michael's was CRAZY! people were losing their minds. i spent about 30 bucks in that store and i know i'll be able to make a couple of cute gifts for friends and family. being crafty is such a plus! then my cousin, mother, and i went to macy's because i needed new bras... my first REAL bras since surgery!! i was sooo excited! i got one more 'functional' bra for everyday wear... but its still really cute. the other one is ADORABLE. its black and tan with lace and ribbons and bows and everything girly i could ever ask for! FINALLLLLY!!! a cute bra! it was pretty exciting. i felt like a real girl! :) i am still beaming about that! when we got home, we all watched "27 Dresses"... i was reluctant, but it was actually really good! i am always reluctant when it comes to wedding movies, they just annoy me. but this was definitely a good one. **I ENDORSE THIS MOVIE** lol... then i drove my cousin back to queens and we hung out for a bit (i knitted a little too) and we watched true life. it was great. then, i left her house and went to my brothers house. he was having a little get together for me to meet some of his friends. they were all really cool. i liked all of them actually. i got semi-drunk, but nothing too bad. it was really fun. i stayed over there and then i went home. my dad made breakfast that was, um, interesting. lol. i packed up a little bit, then went to michael's to exchange something. my mom and i were talking about what to get nigel for christmas and she said he wanted an ipod. so we went to the apple store and she got him a 16 gb ipod touch. i wish MY life was that easy. i never get what i want! lol. (middle child syndrome at its finest) haha. so we went back home and i got ready to go. i went to charge my phone and realized that it wouldn't charge for some reason. so i did 80 all the way to CVS to get a universal charger. UGH, it was too stressful. but hey, i'll take one stressful event for the whole weekend. so i left at 3:30 so that i could make the, what i thought was, a 5:00 bus. i got to manhattan at 4:45!! ahh! but when i got to the stop, the 4:00 bus hadn't even come yet...and i realized that my bus was at 5:30 lol. the 4:00 bus was extremely delayed but by the grace of god, my bus was right on time! so now i'm a few hours into the trip and i'm just relaxing, knitting, and occasionally checking facebook. and now, the next chapter: CGT of course...
ohh, CGT... haha. we didn't end up talking on wednesday, but he sent me the most adorable text message on thanksgiving morning. basically it just said that he was grateful for having me in his life and that made me feel so special!! i responded with 'is this a forward?' lol and he said, no. :) on friday night i texted him and he responded 'hey you' which is what i always use when i want to sound flirtatious, but maybe it doesn't translate for men... idk. lol. we texted briefly and he went to sleep. today, he called me to 'check up on me' during my trip back to DC. i thought that was cute. he said to call him when i get back there.

CONCLUSION: this weekend was fabulous and i really am so pleased with how everything went.
peace<3

MOI!!!

ME!! i spent a lot of time this summer focusing on myself rather than the boys that came in and out of my life. that decision was most definitely a good one, and today i realized that it shouldn't stop just because the summer is over. in this new 'relationship' of sorts i need to really keep him on the back burner and keep myself unattached. i REFUSE to get hurt in this situation and the only way to accomplish that is to not be attached. i mean sure, i like him (CGT for those of u who don't read regularly)... but he can't be numero uno on my list of things and people that are important to me. he isn't. he never was. but i'm just saying, i gotta keep it like that. and also... i have to make sure that he realizes that thats all he is to me.. entertainment.
ow ow OWW!
peace

seventy two

okey dokey... so this is just an update of what has been going on in my life since my life is just oh so exciting.

last night i slept over at CGT's house.. don't get all hype because nothing happened. i got super fucking high and went to sleep. then we woke up around 8 because he had to go to work. i got dressed and we walked to the bus stop. it was pretty cute. i kissed him goodbye and walked back home. the story is this... his friend was supposed to drop his two puppies off at CGT's house and he wouldn't be there cuz he was at work... so he left his back door open so that i could come over after class and watch the dogs. so when i got there, the dogs weren't there... but because i was already there i just decided to stay there until he got home from work. in the two hours (or so) that i was waiting, i cleaned his room and bathroom. i'm so sweet. that made me really excited for him to come home. so he walks in right? and he sees that the room is all clean and he looked so shocked. that made me really happy. he said he appreciated me, and honestly, what's better than that? so we hung out with the puppies for a while and just bullshitted and then i left because i had to go to the gym. the gym was straight but i didn't really feel well so i didn't try my hardest. now i'm just so tired soooo i'll be going to sleep now

peace

20 New Truths of LCH

1. I know American Sign Language
2. I recently joined Washington Sports Clubs and I freaking love it.
3. I am a HUMUNGOUS Biggie Smalls fan.
4. I use grape jelly on my pb&j sandwiches.
5. I paint my own nails instead of getting them done (saves money)
6. I do my best to eat Organic.
7. I kissed a girl, and i liked it...
8. I LOVEEEEEEEEEE my little brother.
9. I LOVEEEEEEEEEE my older brother.
10. My "little" brother is a good foot taller than me.
11. My first pet was a guinea pig and I named him Patrick.
12. I get really angry when people complain at Howard, about Howard.
13. I am convinced that Lauren Conrad from the Hills is living MY life.
14. I am a Greenpeace member.
15. I hate sororities and fraternities at my school (they're probably normal anywhere else)
16. The thing I miss most about home is my car and the ability to drive to Wendy's.
17. I need to quit smoking!!!
18. I can be overly forgiving... noooo good!
19. I have a serious SERIOUS girl crush on Ciara...
20. I can't wait for thanksgiving and to eat a LOTTT of food.

fall asleep smiling

ahhhh! <- that was supposed to sound like a sigh. lol. i am definitely going to fall asleep smiling. last week i couldn't have been any lower, but things could only go up, and they are! good thing number one, the gym. i really missed working out. like, it was such a big part of my life for most of high school. working out just makes you feel good, like you've accomplished something good. not to mention the trainers, they're so great. i mean technically they aren't my trainers cuz i don't pay them, lol... but they make good friends lol. they're all cool as shit, like, i love those guys. good thing number two... i'm talking to CGT again. he called me and basically asked me to help him out cuz he is sick. pathetic. but i did it. we met up and went to CVS so he could get cold stuff. so i stayed with him in bed for a little bit then i tucked him in and kissed him goodnight (i better not get sick, shit). any hoo, it was really cute and i really did miss him. like things would remind me of him and i'd just try not to think about it or just shrug it off. but i can't front, i missed him. and he said he missed me too : ). anyways, i'm just so happy, like, i missed his scrawny ass! lol. everything is just smoothing out and i feel much better about things. i'm going home next week and i'm just HAPPY. yay!

peace

Praise the Lord, I MADE IT!

phew! what a whirlwind weekend. i got all my work done by 3am this morning. it was difficult but i'm happy i at least got everything done.

on another note, i am SOOO SOO SOO SUPER DUPER sore. like, my body is screaming right now. the love of my life a.k.a. my trainer...we'll call him "J", kicked my little ass yesterday. it was one of the hardest workouts i've ever had in my life. what makes it even more difficult is the fact that i'm trying to look cute and work hard at the same time. lol. oh well. i'll see J later : )

on a more interesting note... CGT texted me yesterday morning. he said that he got dogs because he 'lost me' ... i told him that it was his choice.
i still wanna see the dogs though...

guys, i'm just so happy that i'm done with all that bullshit work i had to do. i am going home next week and life is g o o d!!! but i am truly exhausted right now so i'm going to continue laying down.

peace

Serious Serious Update

okay yall, this past week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my entire life. right after i finished writing on here, my computer fell off my bed, which triggered my hardrive to say 'fuck you lauren, and everything you stand for" and um, yeah. i lost EVERYTHING. it was like starting from scratch with my computer. i lost all my picture, music, documents, everything. but its not as bad as it seems. i only lost the pictures that weren't on facebook, and my documents. i was able to recover my music from my ipod. sooo all wasn't lost. thank god. they were able to fix my computer within 24 hrs so i went to the mall this morning to go get it. i am sooooo happy i got it back!!

in other news... i'm noto talking to CGT anymore. for the usual reason, i won't have sex with you, you don't wanna talk to me. can't get upset over that.

in other news, i have all this stupid homework to do this weekend. i have no idea how i'm gonna get it all done. i have 3 papers, a speech, a take home test, and one test to study for. i've been working for about 3 hours trying to find articles to do two of the papers on. i can't fall behind... this is when the whole semester starts coming to a head and i can't slack now! heres a list of my classes and how i think i'm doing...

speech and hearing- A or B definitely
principles of speech- A or B definitely
math- pass (its a pass/fail class)
language development- A or B
french- D if i'm lucky

yeah, french is always a difficult one. if i can get an A on this take home test and do well on the next test and the final, i'll be good money with at least a C or a D. Preferably a C. we'll see lol.

in other great news, i have been going to the gym... unfortunately my eating habits haven't really improved, but hey, i'm burning calories. there are some really nice/hot trainers there too, so its all good.

***
so i just got back from the gym and got stopped by these Israelites and they are fucking crazy. i listened impatiently until they said that god hates white people. i had to leave on that note. this caused me to get into an argument with my 'gym buddy' and i honestly do not want to talk to her again. i am just not having a very good week. i am too sick of the bullshit and i just need a vacation right now.

"don't, do me"

that is a very popular saying at howard.... it means 'don't try to play me'... that is my message to you, CGT. Do not, do me. you'll regret it. i'm too fine for that shit. lol. just playin. but i miss him and i didn't get to see him this weekend. total bummer. but this week should be fun. no class tue or thurs so its gonna be drunkenness all week! can't wait!
xoxopeace

buenooo

i suppose i should update on my life lol. this week was {clearly} awesome. i had three really good days in a row. everything just appeared to be going my way. so yesterday cgt and i had a text conversation. he had called me the day before while he was at a tattoo parlor. i was a little salty cause i wanted to go! he had to get off the phone and he told me to text him... when i texted him, he said he wasn't sure if he could get the tattoo. then i texted something else and he didn't answer. the next day (yesterday) i texted him (i think, its getting kinda blurry) and he said he couldn't get the tattoo because the people ahead of him took forever so he went home. then i told him that i AM coming the next time. he said that was cool. then i said i was really excited (which i am, i just love tattoos!!!) i'm gonna write the rest of the convo vertically:
me: if you cry, i'll hold ur hand
cgt: sooo, you think i'm gonna cry?
me: maybe, idk, you ARE pretty tough
cgt: i am!
me: well when i get one, you can hold my hand, cuz i'm not as tough as u
cgt: lol, i will
me: sooo, i have a plan for us this weekend : )
cgt: remember, i told u i'm having ppl over this weekend
me: true : (
cgt: what did u have in mind?
me: i wanted to go see 'role models'
cgt: ?
me: the movie about those two guys who have to watch the little black kid and the kid from superbad
cgt: oh yeah, can we do that next weekend pleaseeeeeee?!!!!!!
me: yeah, for sure
oh yeah then i asked him if he could get me some liquor. (for my friends bday)
then later on in the day, maybe like, 3 o'clock, he calls me saying that he can't get the alcohol for me until after he is done with practice. then i told him i didn't need it until monday night. blah blah blah. then we hung up and he called me back maybe 2 or 3 hours later and we talked for a bit. he was telling me that his friends from alabama were here and he sounded really excited lol. we didn't really talk for the rest of the night, i'm sure he was busy entertaining his guests.

later on i went to the diner with gill, which was deelish... then we came back and knitted. i finished the scarf i started a year ago that had been thoroughly neglected. overall, it was a pretty relaxed night.
peace

chuuuuuch!

church had always been a pretty big part of my life. things changed a bit when i first got to howard and i stopped going as often out of inconvenience. when i would return home and go back to church, things just weren't the same. i felt myself rolling my eyes, internally disagreeing, and counting down the minutes until it was over. i felt bad but, i decided that i needed to analyze these feelings. what i came up with was that i truly DO NOT agree with a lot of the things my church stands for. they really believe in trying to change people's ideas. whether it be evolution versus creation, or any other beliefs, i just don't believe in wasting my life away trying to CONVERT CONVERT CONVERT. i'll share my beliefs with you and if you don't like it, thats cool. also, i never really liked the head pastor. there is this air about him that rubbed me the wrong way. he is from the south and i always wondered how he felt about blacks. in my naivete i always thought that christians were not racist because we are supposed to love each other as brothers and sisters in christ. another aspect of my life that has changed (within the same spectrum) is my conservative beliefs. i realized that whether the bible says its wrong or not, i don't care about subjects like, gay marriage, gay rights, abortion.. basically all the taboo bullshit that christians obsess over. i don't feel a certain way about it, i just do not care. i'm INDIFFERENT on those subjects. i don't know if god made gays that way or made me be attracted to girls and boys, but i'm pretty sure He loves me regardless so who cares? yet another thing, is the fact that my mother told me something the head pastor said (about politics... obama and mccain) he said, "the answers to the problems in the world are not going to come from mccain, and they are CERTAINLY not going to come from obama." that REALLY REALLY bothered me. as previously mentioned, i am hugely supportive of obama, and that statement was so uncool. and now for the MEMBERS of the church. i don't like them. i haven't since about 8th grade. i always went to youth group when i was younger. honestly, it was the best part of my week. i loved it. then i got older. my friends (were older) and stopped coming or went to college. i stopped going and then realized that i hated the people there. i basically stopped being involved with anything in church, aside from singing. more recently, because of the recent election of my boo barack, i noticed some of the status' of people in my church and i was horrified. "he's going to get shot anyway" things like that. i've had it! i told my parents not to ask me to come to church because i'm never going in there again. they said i can do whatever i want. : ) so thats my conclusion!
peace

three in a row dude!

okay today was also a great day. i mean it was a FAB day! i woke up early, 8am to be exact. my first class wasn't until 11 so i gave myself plenty of time to register for classes, eat, relax, and enjoy the morning. i like not rushing in the morning. i went to go register for my classes and got each and every one of the classes i wanted!!! even tae kwon do! things are looking up! then i walked down to the bank so that i could deposit that check, but the ATM wasn't working. that didn't even bother me. as i was waiting for the 'walk' sign to come on, three truck drivers honked at me. lol. that made me laugh. i was in such a good mood in fact, that i called my DAD! but he couldn't talk. so then i went to class and bernette, my supervisor, called me. she told me that i didn't need to go to work today. that was good and bad because i wanted to see CGT, but i also wanted to go back to my room and sleep... which is exactly what i did. its weird though, when i take naps sometimes, i wake up with these awful headaches. anyhoo. i haven't really talked to CGT today other than to tell him that i wasn't going to work.
peace

best day ever part two

OBAMAAAAAAAAAA!
i am so in shock and filled with emotion that i can't even write something coherent right now... so i'll have to talk about something else. and thats all i have to say about that.

well, as of right now, everything is just peachy. i got a lovely little text message from CGT this morning wishing me a good day :). i'm really trying to be practical without projecting... basically i'm trying to see myself in a relationship with this guy. if i really can't see myself with him, why waste my time, right? i haven't really figured it out yet, but i find myself wanting to be around him, so i think thats a good sign. plus, he wants me to meet his friends... which (to me) is almost as important as meeting family... maybe just as important! i mean, if your boyfriend's friends don't like you, its probably not going to work out. i'm blowing this up.. stop it lauren! whoo! okay.

something that made me happy: i was owed a check from outback from maaaaaad long ago, august to be exact. and it finally came today!

something that made me happy: i just bought this friggin adorable OBAMA t-shirt that i'm in love with. i'll take a picture with it on and put it up here!

something that made me happy: i didn't go to my last two classes today : )

something that will make me happy: i'm joining the gym on saturday! yay!

life is pretty good, no major complaints (other than registering for classes tomorrow) but yeah. no complaints.

peace

best day ever

i have been having the BEST day! its been awesome like, you don't even understand! i'll start from the beginning. i didn't have class today but i had to be at work at 9:40. as best days go, i walk in the building at 9:40 on the DOT! i was so happy with myself. it takes a lot to be on time when you rely on public transportation! i walked into the multi purpose room (where i usually see cgt) and i did, in fact, see him. but he was doing something so i just went straight to work. i finished screening ALL the kids! i was sooo happy with myself! my boss even said that i am, 'awesome' lol. so work was awesome. as i was leaving i texted cgt saying that i saw him but he looked busy and i just left. he calls me right back and asks how far away i am.. i was like, right down the street so i just turned around and i went to the store with him and his friends from the school. he was friggin adorable. he was saying that he wants to spend time with me and to meet his friends this coming weekend (aww!). it was so cute! he hugged me and said 'well i can't kiss you in front of everyone!' mind you, i never asked for one... lol. we just had some small talk and it was really nice. before i left he told me to call him later... twice. lol. he also asked if i wanted to watch the polls with him tonight which i had to kindly decline. i had already promised some friends that i'd watch with them. i was also lucky enough not to get caught in the rain!

most importantly, today is november 4th. the day we have all been waiting for. i am so emotionally involved in this election, its not even funny. you can't even understand how much i LOVE senator barack obama. i love that man. i remember the first time i heard his name about 5 years ago and my aunt saying, 'i bet he'll be president one day'. i never thought i'd get to see a black man in the whitehouse in my lifetime. how wrong i was! not only will i get to see it, i got to VOTE on it! my very first time voting, i got to vote for a black man! i'm a part of history and it is so amazing. i really do get emotional just thinking about this dynamic man sitting in the oval office making REAL changes in the world. i can't wait for it.

in contrast, i HATE mccain. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. he is satanic to me. i can see what our country would be like with him in charge and it scares to me. i see us reverted back to the 30s where everyone is jobless, without homes and food. i see us in a brand new great depression. he is not capable of doing anything positive for this nation because it would just be another 4-8 years of bush being in office. and we don't like bush, do we? i'm gonna make a list of reasons why i hate John McCain:
1. He has a creepy face.
2. He lifts his arms up at a creepy angle.
3. He called his wife a 'cunt'.
4. He agrees with Bush on like, 90% of the shit he's done.
5. He called my boo Obama, "that one". aw HELL no!
6. His wife looks like a bitch.
7. He called his wife a 'trollop'
8. I just don't like him.. okay?!

woo! that felt kinda good. so tonight i'll be viewing the polls with my peers on campus and it should be a very nerve racking and emotional experience but i can't wait! more lata!

update, halloween, and other things :)

thing number one... CGT. well the other day i went over to his house for a few hours. nothing really happened (physically that is) but i did get a better idea of what he is about. no weed this time so that my mind could be clear. his friend came over to cut his hair and i was actually happy that he did, because it was the first time i've seen him around his own peers. (lol). his friend was pretty cool too. anyway... i just paid a lot of attention to the way he treated me in front of his friend. he was really respectful and nice and i felt really included. i liked that a lot. its weird, sometimes when we're around each other it seems like we've known each other for a lot longer than we actually have. last night i texted him to see what he was doing for halloween but he wasn't doing anything. he asked what i was doing and i told him and he was like, well you know where to find me. that was cool or whatever.
btw. i never text or call him. the only time i ever texted him first was when i first got his number and texted him so that he had my number.
today i texted him to see what he was doing. this is how it went:
me- hey, whatsup
cgt- nothing...
me (confused as to why he didn't ask me how i was...)
me- do u not wanna talk?
cgt- whatsup
me- just seeing what u were up to
cgt- im in the bed
me- oh ok

then he called me: i just told him what i did and he said he was going out to his friend's party so i just said that he could call me later. idk. that text conversation really bothered me. well my plan is to go back to not calling or texting him first. thats the end of that...

halloween!!! it was really fun, even though dani wasn't there. i was a Black Panther! It turned out really cute. we went to this party that was about 2 miles from campus so we took the bus up there. the party was SO much fun. i haven't danced that much in a while. unfortunately we had to walk ALLLLL the way back to campus. it was veryyy long and my feet already hurt from the party. when we got to cook (another dorm) it only took the campus escort about 25 minutes to come pick us up and take us to meridian. i was SO happy about that. over all, halloween was really fun.

i am SO sore right now, i wanna lay down!!
peace

virginal difficulties

wow. last night was a whirlwind of a night. 12:15, CGT (Cute Gym Teacher) texts me. we have a back and forth and he asks if i want to come over. so i did, around 7. we were basically just hanging out, watching tv, listening to music. it was chill. then he asked me if i smoked and of course, i do. so we went to go get some weed, came back, and smoked it. in the midst of our high, we listened to r&b and got... physical. that sounded so gay. but it was pretty perfect... listening to 'anytime, anyplace' by janet jackson, super duper high and relaxed, and sensually kissing this dude. i'm thinking to myself... that hes thinking to himself... that i really am about to have sex with him! and then i think to myself, okay, how can i justify sleeping with him? i can't. its not like we are in a relationship, we aren't even old friends. he is just a coworker and i saw him for the first time a week ago. if this is how i lose my virginity, i'll be mad at myself. and this is what scares me... i really could have had sex with him. i mean, everything for sex was in order. a simple yes...and my virginity would be out the window. now i don't know what to do going forward. should i just leave it at that and not chill with him? should i just wait for him to contact me? should i tell him i'm waiting to be in a committed relationship to have sex? AHH i don't know! see, this is why i can't have a relaxed normal relationship! i'm not going to make any moves.
peace

Relaxed and Normal

man. i am just too good looking for my own good! lol. so i went back to work yesterday at EWS. i was dressed all cute for my Hottie Gym Teacher. i walked into the multi-purpose room and there they were. Hot Gym Teacher and Cute Gym Teacher. (yeah, i didn't mention that the other gym teacher is cute... he flirted with me the other times i came to the school). as i was leaving the school, i saw a guy in the distance. i knew it was either Hot Gym Teacher or Cute Gym Teacher. it was Cute Gym Teacher. i was a bit let down to be honest. i was just initially more attracted to HGT. so CGT sparked up a conversation with me which resulted in him asking for my number. but the end result was me taking his number because he didn't have his phone. we had a text conversation and he seems like a cool guy. NORMAL like i've been wanting! maybe he fits my description for my relaxed normal relationship! that would be cool! he lives by campus. i can just picture being in my normal relationship with him. but i can't make any decisions to hastily. i'll see if he texts or calls me this weekend. more lata

peace<3

ramble

whats been going on in my life. oh lordy. well i'm really HATING my classes right now. all but math and principles of speech. i like those classes. i have this class called Language Development. UGH. i have no idea what that bitch be sayin!! lol. i just don't know what the hell she is talking about! then i have French. no comment. then there is speech and hearing. i'm doing fine in that class but there is a project coming up that completely baffles me. oh fucking well. so all in all, classes are kicking my ass right now and its not cool.
in other news...

i went to work again (for 30 minutes only because the kids were sleeping grr.) however, it wasn't a complete bust because i got to look at the H.O.T.T gym teacher. oh my lawd he is one fine hunk of man. i mean, chile, he is FOIIIIINE. hes probably my skin tone (unusual for me i know) pretty tall... and he clearly loves kids.. which is cute even though i don't like kids. it just shows that he probably is really caring and sweet. and did i mention that he is fine? cuz he definitely is. i saw him the first day i came to EWS but i saw him from afar. the next time i came i saw him and i realized he was fine. the third time i came he actually spoke to me. and i quote, "Welcome to Physical Education." in my head i said, "baby, you can physically educate me anytime you want" lmao. then the other gym teacher asked if i wanted to climb the rope... i was like 'i'm good'. then Hottie Teacher actually started climbing the rope. that was really sexy to watch. lol. watching him exert all that strength got me HOT! lmao. i wish i could talk to him on a more... personal.... level. lmao.
in other news...

SOMEONE STOLE MY MOTHER FUCKING BREAD! i went grocery shopping yesterday and when i went to make a sandwich later on, i couldn't find my bread. its fucking gone. i really feel that someone stole it. i remember it being in my room when i unpacked my groceries and now its just gone?! what the fuck! well that really upset me.
in other news...

Romeo never called. just like his name implied. i mean, 3 days is a long time.. its PLENTY of time. so if he was ever gonna call, i really feel that it would have been in those first few days. anything past that is kind of ridiculous. i mean, if he does call... i don't know. i mean, i'll answer the phone, but Nice Lauren won't be present. Bitch Lauren is gonna answer the phone.

My grades... I have been trying pretty hard in my classes, i have five classes, 3 Satisfactory's and one Unsatisfactory and one blank. lol. thats good enough for me. French is a motherfucking BIYATCH! fuck you oaky... fuck YOU!

man, i had a lot to talk about today. sweet! i'm getting kinda homesick again. i just miss my brothers and my mom and deborah a lot. i feel like i should miss my dad but.. i just don't. my goal for the week is to call him. whenever i go to call him, i talk myself out of it. terrible, i know. i still have time, right?

in more news! damn. today, i was thinking about my hair and how i'm going natural and what not, and i started to picture myself with dreads. i wonder what that would look like on me. two of my friends opinions are that it won't look right on me but I DON'T CARE. lol. i do what i want.

peace

we've officially been chopped and screwed

(btw, that is my official-ticial favorite song right now!)

so this is homecoming huh? last year was a bit of a let down.. like i didn't see what the big fuss was about. this year the celebs at yardfest were not that great (with the exception of Earthtone, my boos). so yardfest got a 6.7 out of 10 from me. after that i got drunk with my friends which got a 4.5 out of 10. i did not have fun, i got really upset over some bullshit. anyhoo. that brings us to yesterday, step show day. i was expecting to sit with my friends...... didn't get to. i expected the shit to be long.... it wasn't. i expected shit to be POPPIN, music bladey bladey blah....... it DEF wasn't. so the stepshow got a 7 out of 10. after the stepshow we went to try to find something to eat. we ended up at mcdonalds of course. it was actually fun. the lokes were talking to us, that shit was so funny. this nigga was like, oh you have some pretty feet. then he proceeds to stroke my foot!!! then he was talking about how he liked some pretty eye makeup on some pretty eyes. then i was talking to my friends and he starts caressing my FACE! i didn't even know what to do. i couldn't get mad cuz that was actually funny. *sidebar* i was baggin for real last night. a bitch looked good. i've got pictures, don't worry about it *sidebar end*
then we went to the club. we had to wait about an hour to get in (not bad for homecoming). it was fun, i had myself a good time. trying to make up for the wackness of last year. i'm glad that i didn't just go back to meridian (which i definitely considered). either way, i had fun! danced, shook my bootay... it was fun! the only song i didn't hear was 'chopped and screwed' lol, but its okay, cuz its a new one. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that song. oh! i forgot to mention, before the club there was this group of boys from new york outside the club and they were talking to me, tajah, and danielle. this is one of the few times i was actually willing to give my number to someone lol. his name is.... get this.... ROMEO. i was like, what's your real name? he was like, my mother named me Romeo, its not a stage name. that shit was funny to me! lol. anyway, he was cool and his breath was nice and minty lol. so i'm actually (for the first time) kinda hoping he'll call/text. and hes from new york so he's a normal nigga i hope lol. the after party gets a definite 10 outta 10. nice way to end the homecoming festivities. i'm gonna do another post with pictures after i upload them.
peace

Why I Am (still) A Virgin

oh boy, here we go. although i am still young (in some people's eyes), yes i am still a virgin. i have never been penetrated by a penis. okay?! i am only nineteen, but i don't even know many nineteen year old virgins. i suppose most girls lose it in high school. okay so if thats what is supposed to happen... i would have had to really like or love a boy in high school enough to have sex with them, right? well i didn't like anyone that much in high school. the longest i ever dated someone in high school was like a month. on top of that, in high school i was a lot more interested in religion/god/waiting till marriage, so i wouldn't have had sex either way.

soooo then there is freshman year in college. i date two guys. guy numero uno was the closest i ever was to actually having sex. i actually experienced a lot of things for the first time with him. but before things could go 'to the next level' we broke up. then guy numero dos. our relationship was so rocky and ridiculous that i pretty much knew that if i were to have sex with him, it could very well be the last time i ever see his ass..who knows with him. i am SO happy i didn't have sex with him because he is THE douchebag of the century.

so that brings us to sophomore year (so far)... i hooked up with one guy who i've liked foreverrrr... of course i didn't have sex with him because he's older than me and i'd kinda just be another girl in his lineup. however if i ever dated him i would DEFINITELY have sex with him (lol).. and for the past like, two months i've been hooking up with a girl so that kinda doesn't help the situation.

besides all that, here are the rest of the reasons i haven't had sex. one, i have bad luck, so i'd be the one to fuck around and get pregnant after the first time i have sex. reason number two, i honestly don't just meet people on a regular basis that i WANT to have sex with... and although i don't really believe in waiting until marriage anymore, i still value sex. i see it as something i want to do with someone that loves me or at the very least, REALLY likes/cares for me. i don't want to regret it. after the fact, i just want them to still give a fuck about me basically. i haven't met anyone who i feel would be like that.

college has done something to me that i don't really like. it makes me feel that my virginity is like having the cooties and you just want to get rid of it asap!! people should be really respectful of being able to hold out for that long. i have a lot of respect for people like myself. i get a lot of different reactions from both guys and girls when i tell them i am a virgin.

1) "WOW!!!! that is good (hahahaha) yeah. thats really good.... for you" -from guys and some girls

2) "okay so wait. like. you haven't had sex? like wait. like never? forreal? wait. like you have NEVER had a penis inside you? like. never?" - from guys

3) "welllll i don't have time to wait for you to be ready.. peace out" -from guys

4) "Wow, i never would have guessed, you don't even look like a virgin" -from guys mostly

now, don't get it twisted. i am not a virgin because of lack of offers. its only because of the reasons aforementioned. so when i do lose my virginity, i'll let you know. but i just don't see myself finding what i want anytime soon. i have a lot of personal shit i need to figure out before i go and complicate my situation. such as the fact that last night i coulda sworn i was a lesbian. shit like that. (lol) i hope this cleared up a lot of confusion for my faithful fans lol.

peace

irritating

what is it about me and my exes... they won't leave me alone. heres a convo:
Ex: wat up
Me: nothing u
Ex:chillin
Ex: how the boyz
Me: the boys?
Ex: lol
Ex: yea
Me: i don't have time for that
Ex: lol
Ex: thats kool
Me: i guess
Ex: lol
Ex: how school
Me: its good
Ex: that kool

did i seem like i wanted to have a conversation with him? i really don't think so. why do boys have to ask if i'm single or if i'm with someone or 'how the boys are?' that question really pisses me off. that is the last thing on my mind. the only time i think about boys is at parties on the weekends or some shit. i am on my COLLEGE grind. i'm here to get an education and graduate on time. my main concern is my GPA baby, and thats where it ends. i don't have time for the bullshit
peace

boys will say anything!

wow this is so funny. i'm sitting on the laptop, minding my own business.. when mark.. remember him? IM's me. whoa. i was like oh hell no he didn't! but he did. and he says to me 'hey babe'. i was like are u kidding me!? the only time i initiated any form of conversation with him was to say happy birthday to him. i'm so nice. anyway, then he has the audacity to say that he misses me. i said you do? lol. i mean, i don't miss him so why would i say that i missed him?! which made me think to myself, boys really will say anything!! oh wait, i didn't even tell u that he told me he LOVED me. i was like what the hell?! no you don't! i swear to god, i make boys fall in love with me. they always wanna tell me they love me. i must be a lovable person or something. but the thing is, of course, i don't love them. boys are always trying to rush me into something man! they wanna date me or fuck me and then subsequently tell me whatever it takes just so that they can get the panties. well heres a hint, you CAN'T get the panties. they aren't for sale or for lease. you're credit isn't good enough, cuz MY panties are priceless. lol. i'm a fool for that one. anyway... heres how things have been...

last weekend i got really drunk. now i am a drinker, but i can count on one hand the times where i have gotten so drunk that i've passed out and/or thrown up. once was after prom, once last year, and then last weekend. now the night started out normally. i had three shots of effen vodka. after that, i was not drunk. my tolerance is higher than that. so i'm waiting around and it hit me a little bit, so i felt kind of nice. then i had some of my friend's drink and i downed it really fast. that probably wasn't a good idea. then i decided to go next door to my other friend's house since it was his birthday. i said hi to him and then went inside (with the rest of my posse). now, by this time i am drunk. just drunk. i decide that being just drunk isn't good enough, so i had to more cups of what we call 'jungle juice' lol. i don't even remember drinking it. by the time i was done with that, i was fucked up. like i couldn't stand up. i really don't know how i got back to my friends house. i think someone carried me. i do remember falling down a flight of stairs though. anyway, i threw up which was gross, and i passed out. then the next day once i got back to my room, i threw up again...it was awful. and my whole body was sore from falling down the stairs.. it was bad man, really bad.

in other news... things have been pretty chill. i've been doing really well in math! yes, math. my first test i got an 81 and the second test i got a 92! go lauren!! things with my friends have been pretty good. its a little annoying because they are ALL trying to join up with some sorority or fraternity. its so annoying. i just hope they realize that the chances of them actually making it is slim to none.

homecoming is coming up. i already told you how i feel about that. i just hope it all works out and i have a good time. i just don't want to be a stressed out mess.

in hair news... i have decided to go natural. for those of you who do not know what it is... it is the growing out of permed hair so that your natural hair is what you work with...lol. i've been perming my hair for SO long and i'm just tired of it. its expensive, it is damaging my hair, and i want my hair to be healthy! its going to be an interesting journey... i'll definitely do updates on this with pictures and everything! so exciting!

peace out<3

safe

uhmm i'm scared to write what i feel. this blog is so public! lol. but there are some things that are really scary to talk about in such a public way. so in short... good things are happening... but i can't talk about them. i suck, im sorry. but, don't worry readers, don't worry.

Homecoming Blues

Today is really not going my way so far. I was woken up by my friend that wanted to tell me how she had a mouse in her room... WHY IS THAT MY PROBLEM!? anyway, that sucked. of course i couldn't go back to sleep so i had to stay up. she made me help her set up the mouse traps and everything. then i came back and watched tv for a few hours when gillian asked me if i wanted to go for a run. i really didn't want to go because i'm in horrible shape. anyway, the run made me feel awesome as runs tend to do. i checked my phone and i had 100 texts and missed calls. one was from arlene (my ex-babysitter/cousin) and she went on and on about how she is coming for howard's homecoming. i can't say i'm thrilled about that because having a guest during homecoming is extremely hectic. its hectic even when you're alone! the annoying part of the conversation was that i couldn't get a word in edgewise! she was also complaining about the fact that my parents were coming, trust me i don't want them to come either but, i can't do anything about it. they're my family. then she says she'll call me back.. so i took the opportunity to call my mom. she doesn't understand why i don't want them to come. i just really don't want to entertain anyone. she says we can just meet up and i don't have to entertain them. but i feel so bad. i'm caught in the middle. everyone wants to come to howard homecoming! thats fine but, i don't want to be the one entertaining everyone! i just want to have a relaxing weekend and enjoy the events... but i just know i'm gonna be jetsetting around DC like a chicken with it's head cut off. i feel bad because my mom got mad at me.. but honestly, i don't know why my family is coming. i DO NOT WANT them to come because i DO NOT WANT to entertain them and tell them what they should do! last year was hectic with my family coming and i really don't want to make this a tradition, because its not a very good one. i don't know what to do but this just feels like a disaster waiting to happen. i hate this!!!! ahh!!!!

God is SOO GOOD!

i have the BEST FRIENDS a girl could ever ask for! my two friends ran into an SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) that had a job opportunity for Speech Pathology majors. aka, me. so i got in contact with the woman via email. she called me this afternoon and asked about my availability. i was SOOO excited! she told me to meet her tomorrow at 11 at this school and i can't wait! get this... the job pays 15 dollars an hour!!! ahh! even if i work 10 hours a week, thats 150 bucks! do you know how much food i could buy?! how sad that thats the first thing i think of. anyway i'm so amped about it! i could eventually go shopping!!! yaaaay!

another reason why God is so good, my account balance was -.86 yesterday. sad, i know. i called my mother to see if she could put some money in my account, but i told her 'nevermind' and that i'd work it out. well i checked my account today and it was plus 50 bucks! i was confused but then elated! i have money!!!! things are so amazing i'm not even trippin over the fact that my period came early.

another reason why i'm so happy and God is so good (lol)... i really like this girl and i'm pretty sure she likes me too. and we went running and it was awesome!

LIFE IS SO GOOOOOOOD!!! yay!

pics

just a few pics from sophomore year so far ; )

Have You...

ever been so bored you don't know what to do with yourself? thats how i feel right now. i'm just hoping my phone will vibrate with something for me to do... so far nothing. if it wasn't raining, i'd probably do something. i wish i were hungry, so at least i could eat.. that would give me SOMETHING to do! i already did my laundry. my room is clean. i don't do homework on fridays. at least what not to wear is on. shit i don't even have anything to write about! i'm SO fucking bored. how interesting can this entry be if i have nothing to write, i apologize!

man. i should just go get a tattoo. nahh. its raining!

****** NEWS BRIEF ********

before i could even finish this entry, my friend knocked on the door and said she wanted to go out but her friends cancelled. so i said "LETS GO HOOKAH!" and that we did... on the way we dragged another bored student (jess) to come with us. it was really fun.. thank god!

**Update**

so I've been back at school for almost a week. its been pretty damn fantastic so far. i must say, the floor i'm on is very quiet... almost too quiet. i'm glad i don't have people screaming at the top of their lungs at 5am. my classes suck because they're really far away from each other and i have to walk up-hill a lot. good exercise i guess. the commuting bit that i have to do doesn't bother me too much. some of my classes are interesting, others i fell asleep in. i really love being back at school. i think i have the best friends EVER... my friends make me believe in god because i know he placed them in my life here at school. they're the best!! and now for the fun stuff...kinda i guess...

johnnnn! ah!! now if u remember, i met this guy john before i got to howard. we've been talking daily and omigod you guys i really like him. and i really think he likes me. he is really sweet! yesterday he said that he thinks i'm good for him. and omg i asked him what he was doing and he said, "not too much, just talking to an angel." i just totally died. now of course here are the problems:
1) the 4 hour distance thing
2) i don't want to be in a relationship

problem 1 should be okay because i do come home pretty often... however, problem number two is more important and pressing. i am really scared to be in a relationship. i was hurt in every relationship i've been in and quite frankly i'm sick of it! and thats why i haven't been putting myself in a position where i can get hurt therefore... i run from being in a relationship. but i'm trying not to worry about it. just trying to letttt it happpen. lol. i worry a lot man.

gotta go make some soup! xoxoxox

SCHOOL SPIRIT MA FUCKAAAA!!!

i LOVE HOWARD U!!! wow. for those of u who read regularly, u know how much i despised high school. i never had school spirit. (even when i was a cheerleader) i didn't give a DAMN if we lost lol. i just hated being there so... its really cool to LOVE MY SCHOOL! when people say "Howard" or "College" or "Washington DC" my heart just flutters! i love it! its the best!

today was my first day of class. i didn't mind waking up early today, or waiting for the shuttle, or listening to some of my new teachers... i was just so happy to be back! i saw a lot of my friends that i hadn't seen yet. it was great! one of these "friends" being the boy i'm semi in love with. why 'semi' in love? because he probably doesn't love me back.. but he DEFFF wants me. hahaha. well idk about that but i like to think so. :)

i also saw this boy i met the other day who has 'baby daddy' potential. i'm not totally certain, but hes cool peoples anyway.

more importantly (i think) my classes were pretty decent. i'm scared for my math class. i even told the teacher that i was very scared. i have the same french teacher i had last semester. still crazy.

i have so many thoughts i can't even write them all! i'll write later! ahhh!

boyzzz (and other things along the way)

wow i haven't written in a REALLY long time. i'm sorry to keep yall waiting. haha. well heres some shit that happened to ya girl.

first of all... boy news. right before i left for school (like literally two days before) i met this guy in Queens and he is soooo cute. his name is John. he was wearing a black tshirt, black Levi's (weakness), a black hat and the Jackass Vans. very nice. Here was the situation. i walk into the store that he works in and he asks to take my bag (they do that in queens). so i stopped dead in my tracks cuz i didn't even see him. imagine the shock when i saw how cute he was just standing there smiling. lol. so i went about my shopping and left him with a "have a good day". when i went back to where my aunt was, i tried despeartely to think of ways to go back in that store without being obvious. suddenly I remember that i need thread so i went back into the store and he immediately strikes up conversation. haha. i'm thinking to myself..stillll got it! so we exchanged numbers and talked for a bit. i was just so mad that i 1) lived on long island and 2) was leaving for DC in 48 hours. but he was cool and his eyelashes were about this long : ____________________________________ so yeah. lol. i think i'm going to come home in 2 weeks and then i'll definitely try to chill with him. that's that!

so things with mark didn't really end on the most positive note. like, before i left he wouldn't kiss me. that shit isn't cool. i was also mad because when i had said to him (angry) "you can talk to other girls, i really don't care" he responded with, " i already am". ouch... haha. so i told him that we could stop talking then. now of course about one day later he's hitting me up with "i miss you already, i miss you so bad its not even funny". nigga i don't give a FUCK. he got all pissy if i didn't wanna fuck him or suck his dick... sorry if i just don't feel like it but he would know i wasn't in the mood to... and still invite me over and then bitch and moan the whole time. UGH! it was annoying.

well i FINALLY got back to the amazing, prestigious, illustrious HOWARD UNIVERSITY! yay! i'm staying in Meridian Hill Hall which is off campus and my room is actually nice. at first it seemed kind of small, but its nice regardless. the girls said it was 'cozy' which is the perfect word to describe it. since i've been here its been pretty fun. its interesting being alone in the room all the time. i get bored with no one to talk to but i don't really mind. i was alone the whole summer mostly, so its okay.

last night we went to the club. for some reason i wore heels. i mean, they're comfortable but not after 4 hours... i looked cute though!

more later

naive

i realized something tonight.

i am 19 years old and i don't want to have sex. i never thought this would be as bad of an issue as it is. but the more i talk to guys and see what they're all about, the more i realize that i am just completely naive. guys ARE interested in one thing.. sex. and i can't offer that. so my whole thing is i really shouldn't talk to guys that have that one intention, which is all guys. therefore, i won't be talking to guys. the only exception is if they won't pressure me and are willing to wait for as long as it takes. and they can't make me feel bad about it either. so that leaves...uh... no one. sure there are other things that two people can do, but i don't want to be pressured to do that either. its sad and frustrating and i wish things were different, but they aren't. so i'm gonna keep hearing things like 'im gonna talk to other girls'... 'i'll wait, but could u, uh... suck my dick' and other shit like that. i'm done.

peace

30 Truths of LCH (that's me)

1. I really LOVE watching TV. Especially reality TV.
2. I have a huge crush on Lil' Wayne.
3. I am a really big fan of Paris Hilton.
4. I am a youtube addict.
5. I went through a rebellious stage when i was 13 and 14.
6. My favorite thing to drink is iced tea.
7. My favorite cereal is Cap'n Crunch: Crunch Berries
8. I am really close with my three cousins.
9. I've never had a boyfriend longer than 3 months. Pathetic, I know.
10. I like Donald Trump.
11. My most listened to artist on my ipod is Robin Thicke.
12. I LOVE LOVE LOVE kissing!
13. I like when boys have neat dreads. Yummm.
14. My mom and I are very close.
15. I absolutely cannot stand Long Island.
16. I am obsessed with crime tv.
17. I started watching Family Guy when i got to college.
18. I am highly allergic to cats.
19. I hate cats.
20. I think the Jonas Brothers have no talent.
21. I am always being compared to Rudy Huxtable.
22. I love Cosmopolitan magazine.
23. I hate my butt.
24. I used to dance.
25. My favorite movie is ATL and i've seen it a LOT of times.
26. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
27. I HATEEEEE action movies.
28. I HATE going to see movies in theaters.
29. I love R&B music.
30. I was born in New Jersey.

why i don't go to parties on long island... PART 2!

i forgot to write about this. omg. ok. the house that the party was in was gross. okay we were in the basement. so i thought to myself, "okay this is a dirty basement. but people have dirty basements but a clean house." well got damn was i wrong. i went upstairs to go to the bathroom. holy hell this house was fucking disgusting. when we went to the bathroom... there was literally a pile of filth in the corner with hair and crap in it. it was sooo nasty. then i just looked around this house was so nasty. just garbage and random shit everywhere piled up. it was a pig sty! i am still disgusted.

i just had to let my readers know about this triflin-ness.

why i don't go to parties on long island...

so last night i went to a party on long island. i haven't been to a party like this since the end of high school. i never have fun at these beer pong, stand around, no (good) music, card playing, parties. i love leaving the house at 11, going to a house party, getting niiiice, and then dancing until 2am. <- that is a fun time! but this... not so much. let me set up the scene:

Character List
*No Shirt Guy* runs around crazily, screaming in an annoying "italian-new york" accent, without a shirt, making out with his slutty girlfriend who looks like she's not a day older than 12.
*Slutty Party Girl* is the girlfriend of No Shirt Guy and walks around the beer pong table, dancing awkwardly and off beat, she weighs about 67 pounds and has about a year's worth of hair gel in her head
*My Friend's Roommate* was altogether pretty cool, but her laugh was off the chains! not only was the laugh startlingly loud, but it was high pitched and never-ending!!!! when she would laugh, the whole party seemed to stop what they were doing and look at her
*Other Guys* were mostly just drinking, making out with their girlfriends, playing video games or cards, and just overall acting like idiots.
*Other Girls* were either making out with the guys, watching the beer pong ppl, or doing that same awkward dancing thing..

it was crazy boring... might i add in i was high... anyway, it was soo boring. i didn't feel like doing any of the 'activities' that were going on, including drinking (beer is so fattening) so i just sat around. oh.. which reminds me of something that bothers me...

white ppl are all of a sudden so comfortable saying the 'n' word. i don't give NO kind of fuck if there is an 'er' or and 'a' ending, that word should be completely off limits to white people. i mean, it should never leave their lips. they shouldn't even be thinking it! idk, maybe they didn't see me, a black chick, sitting there, or maybe they saw me and it didn't phase them. but either way, they should be seriously injured for saying that word. i don't like that shit. its bad enough that we black people say it. right? right.

that party was proof to me that i need to go to DC asap and party forreal. and its another reason to never come back.

ps... things with *mark are good. really good : )

frustrating!!!

maybe some of you girls reading this could relate. maybe not. so i was talking to the guy.. lol.. and i was a little pissed that he hadn't really been trying to contact me as much this past week. so i IMed him and we were having this conversation and he said a phrase that absolutely grinds my gears and makes my blood boil... here we go...

"Why Are You Mad At Me?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAh! first of all how the hell do u know if i'm mad or not. okay heres more background on the situation... i had said, "okay, whatever". i was trying to just end the argument (of sorts) because i didn't feel like arguing with him. it doesn't mean i'm mad it means its WHATEVAAA! that just really bothered me. this is the exact fucking reason why i stopped talking to guys. they're so fucking dumb! all they do is frustrate me. i just don't believe that there is any such thing as love or that a good relationship is even possible anymore. like i really have given up completely. i still hope for it, but in my mind at the same time, i know its not possible... or at least not for me.

god i'm so fucking frustrated

facebook note : )

i wrote a lot on my birthday and i think the best thing i wrote was in a facebook note. i think it might be one of my favorite things that i've written in a long time. i thought i'd put it on my blog : )


Today is my birthday. Usually I'm happy on my birthday, but this year I'm really not. I've actually been super-emotional. Since I can't sleep, I decided to read my journal entry from my birthday last year. If you ask me about my past birthdays I'll probably tell you that I had allll crappy birthdays, but thats not entirely true. Last year I had a great day. I got to see my friends, be with my family, it was really nice. I said something in my journal that sounded so optimistic it was almost sickening, "I have so much to look back on, and so much to look forward to." And yeah, at that point in my life, I did have a lot to look forward to... summer, freshman year, freedom. Life really didn't suck for me at that point. I felt really bad about my current mood because I really wanted to be that happy again... to feel that same optimism. So I really am trying to look to the positive things that could happen to me. Hell, God was good enough to grant me another year on this earth. If nothing else, I could feel happy about that right? What am I looking forward to now? I'm looking forward to seeing my friends for a whole three months, I'm looking forward to losing the weight I put on during freshman year (thanks mcdonalds and hochi), I'm looking forward to God putting a good person who loves me in my life, and most importantly, I'm looking forward to becoming a more mature, beautiful and intelligent woman. That is another thing I realized while looking back at my journal, I have matured SO much. I left Long Island for the first time as a naive, immature, girl. Howard turned me into a "Strong Black Woman". Even though certain people tried to hold me back with their negativity this year, I stayed strong and accomplished great things. I thank the people in my life that empowered me for being there. I also thank the people that tried to bring me down with their negativity because guess what! You FAILED. I'm stronger than ever. I'm unaffected by all your garbage. So I'm going to try my best to feel happy on this birthday of mine. If you have wished me a happy one, thanks a bunch...I appreciate it.

i'm in LOVEEEEE

i fell in love this morning guys. forreal. i don't know how, but i came across this guy's youtube videos. oh. my. god. he sings and plays acoustic guitar and covers all kinds of songs. ohhhh my god. he is so good. and of all places, he's from DC!! i can't even tell you how talented (and cute) he is! i even felt compelled to write him a message which i never do. i tried not to sound too much like i was on his jock, but omg he was great!!! i literally fell in love as he played the songs. he is amazing. so brad doggett. i am in love with you <33333333333

to the readers

i guess this is the only way to go about this. i am just apologizing to everyone that i may have hurt through this blog. honestly i didn't think that people who were reading it... were. the purpose of my writing is not to hurt ANYONE. what i won't apologize for is displaying my feelings candidly. i write to get stuff off my chest and in doing that, i am in no way trying to hurt anyone. i can't un-read what people read or un-hurt peoples feelings but i am truly sorry.

my senior year of high school

What school year was it?
06-07

Who was your best friend?
Franci Ramos<33

What sports did you play?
bowling hahaha

What kind of car did you drive?
i drove a station wagon and then a Jetta

Friday night where were you?
starbucks or working

Where you a party animal?
i turned into one. lol.

Where you in the "in crowd"?
ew no

Ever skip school?
hell yeah lol

Ever smoke?
yes

Were you a nerd?
def. not

Did you get suspended or expelled?
nope

Can you sing Alma Mater?
hahahaha no

Who was your favorite teacher?
i gotta go with B-Dog

Favorite class?
i liked English and public speaking

What was your school's full name?
Harborfields High School

School mascot?
the Tornado lmao

Did you go to prom?
yes

If you could go back and do it over, would you?
HELLLL NAWWWWW

What do you remember most about graduation?
getting out of there as fast as i could

Favorite memory of senior year?
after prom was fun

Were you ever posted up on the senior wall?
huh?

Did you have a job your senior year?
absolutely

Who did you date?
most people

Where did you go most often for lunch?
subway

Have you gained weight since then?
haha yesss

What did you do after graduation?
HU...U KNOW!!!


oh thank GOD high school is over. i hated it soo much.

help!

this is bad. okay the other day i was talking to uhh *Mark*(the guy that i had dated and wants me back.. haha) and he said something that i didn't really know how to react to... he had gone on this date (as a favor for his cousin). this was the txt convo:

Me: (yes i texted him 1st) how was ur date the other day
Mark: it was alright
Me: it would've been better if it were with me (cute right?)
Mark: not really (ouch)
Me: well damn
Mark: u told me u werent interested in dating me
Me: hmm, i guess. if i were to date u it would take a while for me to feel comfortable...if u feel like its a waste of time tell me now so i dont bother u (at this point i was like.. u should be wooing me..dammit!)
Mark: i'm not tryin to be mean but u said that i would be wasting my time if i was trying to get with u

end of convo

then later he IMed me... the first thing he says is "why are u mad at me"... please tell me when i sounded like i was mad. i wasn't mad. i was a little disappointed. but not mad. i felt like he had given up... and even if i'm not interested in a guy.. i still want him to be interested in me (ain't that terrible)

besides all that drama... i talked to my cousin and she (in about 10 minutes) convinced me that i needed to move on from him...that his baggage wasn't worth it and i agree with that. but he is doing a lot right. this is confusingggg! remember how i said i was nervous about the "hey babe" thing... its partially because that draws me in! i LIKE that shit! ahh! and he says it.. a lot. another line was crossed. i thought about him before i fell asleep last night. that is the biggest proof that i like someone. i am scared! maybe i should just lighten up and go with the flow. and he can be so cute. i really doubt that i'm even making sense.

ok so last night. i went online and i saw that he was online... and in my head i was like ok, he has 4 minutes to IM me (childish i know) and u know what.. HE DID. i asked him what he wanted to do when i got back from MV... and he said whatever u want to do...and i said well idk what i wanna do, thats why i asked u.. and he goes (this is the cute part) well i dont care, i just want to see u. JESUSSSS CHIRSTTT. i don't know.

should i just make a pro/con list and decide... should i just talk to him and get to know each other better...then decide... should i just use the opportunity to have a summer fling (lord knows i love a summer fling)... please tell me what to do readers!

this is what i do when im bored

i hate the word vacay

well i know my faithful readers have missed me. lmao. i don't have faithful readers!! anyway. i'm going on vacation in a few hours (to martha's vineyard...thats near massachusetts ok?) sooo i guess the reason i haven't written is because nothing has really happened. the ex that i started talking to again is on the 'hey babe' status.. ahh! i don't like that! i haven't had attention like this for a long time... mostly because i shunned it. i don't know... the last relationship made it very difficult to trust guys. its so funny because all guys... ALL guys always say this very line "i'm different" and i can't believe that every time i believe that shit! i actually believe them. of course i don't, at first... but eventually i give in and date them... then they lie, cheat, or steal, and then we break up. yeah. thats how every relationship has gone for me. anyway. i am very very very weary of starting a new relationship because i am sick of getting hurt. i mean, if every relationship ends with me getting hurt... why would i want to start up a new one right?

okay..i was watching that show Intervention...and it was on an alcoholic.
Question: is it bad that watching her binge drink.. kinda made me crave some beer? leave a comment with an answer
i am really into watching stuff about prison, drugs, serial killers, rapists... i REALLY enjoy it. the crime and investigation channel is my new obsession. there has GOT to be something wrong with that. maybe i should talk to my therapist about that. no lie, there is a serious rush that comes over my body when i see that law and order svu is on or when there is a new true life about addiction or disease. i'm definitely a sick lady.

maybe i'll go on vacation and meet some great guy and fall in love in two weeks and it'll be just like Grease! how sad...i have to compare my life with musicals. *sigh*