...and now, for the finale!

okay! the decisions have all been made. i kept calling the doctor's office and she told me that i could move up the surgery date if i went to a different hospital. my surgery will be on July 9th (the same day as the John Mayer concert that i had tix to go to). i asked franci to find someone else to go to. i was really looking forward to the concert, but this surgery couldn't be put off. i am finally at a point where i don't have to worry about this anymore. i have been totally focused on this surgery for months, and its like, finally i can breathe and live my life. thank GOD.

good news bad news

why does my life SUCK?!

okay, yesterday was a really good day for me. i found out that my insurance decided to cover my surgery. all was well and good. the only step left was to figure out the date for the surgery. the date part was supposed to be the fastest and easiest right. so i call about an hour ago and she tells me that she has nothing until the end of july! okay, that would be okay except for the fact that i'm going away for the last two weeks of july. basically all thats left is the beginning of august. i definitely DON'T want to wait until august because thats too close to school for my personal comfort. the only other option is to not get the fucking surgery. i can't believe this is happening. maybe its really not meant to happen. all the bullshit i've gone through for NOTHING. i can't do this. its tearing me apart. this is something i've wanted for YEARS and this is the closest i've ever been to actually doing it. of course everything goes sour. i can't bear the thought of waiting until next summer and having to go through the whole insurance bullshit AGAIN. this is unbearable really. this whole process. this is the perfect time in my life to have this done, but everything else is getting fucked up along the way. my parents even said if i get it done during the end of july, i could stay home during my vacation. the thought of that makes me absolutely cringe because i look forward to martha's vineyard so much. i would hate to not be able to go. even though this surgery means A WHOOOLE LOT to me, i LOVE martha's vineyard, and i really don't want to miss it. this is one of the worst situations i've ever been in.

more later.

another update

okay, so its monday today. by now, i was SUPPOSED to have an answer. of course i don't have one. i'm not surprised actually but i really was hoping that it would happen today. i hate this whole, waiting in the valence thing. i wrote before that they said they would expedite the process... when, i called today they said the only time they expedite anything is if it is life or death. i don't know who to believe or what the hell to do. at this point i'm truly starting to give up hope. i feel like this is just not going to happen for me. i'm on such a tight schedule and if i can't even get answer by mid june, it only leaves me a week or two to get an answer and i just don't see that happening. i really want this for myself, but right now, i'm going to come to terms with it, leave it to my dad to duke out with Cigna, and get it set in my mind that this is just NOT going to happen for me. it sucks and i'm tired of being crushed everyday when i think i'm going to get the answer. the people at Cigna are fucking retarded, i will not be getting an answer ANYTIME soon, and this dream i've had for four years is really going down the drain until next summer the earliest.