Keepin it 100!!!

you guys! this is sooo exciting!

its my 100th entry!!!!

i have been bullshitting and talking about boy problems for a while now huh?! haha. anyway, i really enjoy writing here and its pretty cool that people actually read it too. if i talked less shit on here, i would probably let more people see it. haha. writing on here has given me such a great opportunity to release all my weird feelings that i feel like i can't express to people verbally.

heres the bullshitting and boy problems that i know you guys love SO much lol.
today i have to go to work. that means i will see you know who, none other than, CGT. ugh. i'm just going to dress nice, go do my job, and leave. i really don't know what the hell i'd say to him if he started talking to me, hopefully he'll be busy and won't notice me :)... or maybe if i'm REALLY lucky, he won't come to work today! lol. of course i'll let you guys know what happens, just pray for me. i'm really nervous to see him. it sucks, because to get to the classroom i need to go to, i need to go through the gym...where he works. UGHHHHHH!!!

peace out<3

oooh girl, you got that good hair!

someone said that shit to me. i mean, i agree, my hair is more than just good, its fucking awesome. but you know what i mean. "good hair" is just another phrase that blacks use to separate themselves and inflict racism on each other. so what you tryna say? kinky hair is bad? mixed, puerto rican, curly hair is good? why? why is that good? why do black women feel the need to constantly alter their texture, color, EVERYTHING to be "good"??? of course it dates back to slavery times and the positions that the different slaves held.

now don't get me wrong lauren LOVES a good weave.. but i realized that perms were doing nothing positive for me. beyond just my hair texture being altered, i didn't want to give off a vibe of wanting to be what the 'white man' wants... i never put much thought into what i was doing to myself. it even goes to a spiritual level... its like telling god that my hair wasn't good enough and i needed chemicals to change it. how terrible!!! not to mention, its pretty cool to be a COMPLETELY natural beauty. this is my REAL REALLL hair, last year i gave up fake nails, and i wear minimal makeup on a daily basis. i was looking at my graduation picture and i look like a completely different person. i think i AM a completely different person. i'm more in touch with myself, my emotions, the REAL lauren... and thats pretty awesome.

people can look at me now and they can't think to themselves 'what will she look like without all that extra shit?' i'm all organic baby, no chemicals, no preservatives, no additives, ALLLLL NATURALLLL. god made me so beautiful and i can REALLY see it now. nothing is taking away or adding to me. i'm just simply ME. all i can do is strive to be the best version of myself right? that goes for inside AND out. I wish more people, especially black women, could see how great being natural is.

....now this doesn't go for ugly people, y'all need all the help you can get!!...
LOL!! i'm going to hell! haha jk jk jk jk

peace outtt<3

--CRUSH--

This entry is dedicated to you, Mr. Perfect. I've mentioned Mr. Perfect before (I didn't name him, but, um, I just did...) Anyway. I've had this overwhelming, disgusting, palm-sweat-inducing, mind-numbing, head-over-heels in "love", facebook-stalking, daydream during exams, CRUSH on Mr. Perfect. He is probably the only person I've had a crush on for this long (a little over a year) at this age. He is one of very few that I've hooked up with and STILL been obsessed with after the fact. He is my dream man. My name sounds so good next to his and with his last name. He has this irresistible southern charm that any Long Island girl would fall for. He's older and (supposed to be) more mature. He is a graduating senior (unfortunately for me) and is a bio-major... which means that money is definitely in his future. Not to sound like a gold-digger or anything, but girls should go after Bio Majors, they're going somewhere! Anyway, yesterday, I ran into Mr. Perfect. It was a magical moment. We were passing each other and we stopped and he hugged me. Let us analyze this hug. The regular friendly hug usually doesn't last longer than 2-3 seconds. This hug was 5+ seconds and I let go first! Arm/hand positions, my arms were above his, as in, his were around my waist. THEN, when the hug had clearly run its course, he like held my waist for 2-3 seconds.. something you do when you wanna kiss someone! This huggage happened not once, but TWICE in our little conversation. Hello AND goodbye!! Absolutely magical!! He is one person on this campus that I would love love LOVE to date. Butttt, I don't know how that would occur.
any advice on what i should do with this dude will be greatly appreciated!!!

okay. enough of that. i have another story.

there was a guy i wrote about in september... maybe august... and his name was John... from brooklyn that i met in queens. anyway he is another guy that popped up since my no-penis vow was taken. he said some interesting shit to me such as 'i think we'll definitely be together' and that its like inevitable that we will work out ... things of that nature. i explained to him that i'm tired of being hurt and thats why i'm not messing with anyone... i just felt like, damn. thats a lot of nerve. you disappear and then when u decide to come barge back into my life, you talk about us being together? what the hell?!

peace<3

oh boyyy

oh boy is right! so i don't remember if i told y'all this or not, but i am on a No-Penis Vow. which means that i am not talking to, kissing, doing anything with ANYBODYYYY. i have realized how much it confuses my life. i have enough on my mind and enough to worry about, so i don't need anyone else in it, confusing me. that being said. pretty much since i officially took the vow, allll these guys have been popping out the woodwork! i really don't like it. i mean, its getting out of hand. i can think of at least 3 or maybe 4 guys in the past two weeks, that have hit me up in some way shape or form, and i really don't even know what to say to them.

this is the crazy part. i just so happened to get my palm read last night. it was SO cool. i was brought up to believe that those types of things are 'demonic' and 'of the devil' but i just so happened to have a five on me, so i wanted to see what she would say. a lot of it was dead on, some of it was a little off lol. two things she said really stood out to me. one, people from past relationships kept popping up and i don't want to be with them. hmmmm. ((yeahh, i just said that!)) thenn, she said that i give a lot and that i'm often taken for granted. <- totally the story of my life. she said some other cool stuff... i liked it!

now, for a little weekend update. friday was uneventful, but later on i went to ruby tuesdays with dani b, which was deelilsh. then i pretty much watched tv and went to sleep. saturday was fun. i went grocery shopping earlier in the day, then i relaxed/napped until later on. my ex-roomie went and got food in adams morgan. afterwards we did a bit of running around to go to a party. we ended up at two different parties so it was a pretty good night. i didn't really drink but i smoked a little. it was fun.

this is like the anti-truth campaign right now. but i just feel like taking 20 dollars and buying weed and smoking it all by myself or maybe with one other person. it was nice of my friends to let me hit the blunt even though i didn't put in, but i really wanna like, be greedy with some weed one day. maybe over spring break with my brother. that would be fun.

okay yall, i'm gonna go listen to some musiq soulchild, perfect music for a sunday afternoon :)

Peace<3

ps... the cable is out in my building and its superbowl sunday. wtf?!