update, halloween, and other things :)

thing number one... CGT. well the other day i went over to his house for a few hours. nothing really happened (physically that is) but i did get a better idea of what he is about. no weed this time so that my mind could be clear. his friend came over to cut his hair and i was actually happy that he did, because it was the first time i've seen him around his own peers. (lol). his friend was pretty cool too. anyway... i just paid a lot of attention to the way he treated me in front of his friend. he was really respectful and nice and i felt really included. i liked that a lot. its weird, sometimes when we're around each other it seems like we've known each other for a lot longer than we actually have. last night i texted him to see what he was doing for halloween but he wasn't doing anything. he asked what i was doing and i told him and he was like, well you know where to find me. that was cool or whatever.
btw. i never text or call him. the only time i ever texted him first was when i first got his number and texted him so that he had my number.
today i texted him to see what he was doing. this is how it went:
me- hey, whatsup
cgt- nothing...
me (confused as to why he didn't ask me how i was...)
me- do u not wanna talk?
cgt- whatsup
me- just seeing what u were up to
cgt- im in the bed
me- oh ok

then he called me: i just told him what i did and he said he was going out to his friend's party so i just said that he could call me later. idk. that text conversation really bothered me. well my plan is to go back to not calling or texting him first. thats the end of that...

halloween!!! it was really fun, even though dani wasn't there. i was a Black Panther! It turned out really cute. we went to this party that was about 2 miles from campus so we took the bus up there. the party was SO much fun. i haven't danced that much in a while. unfortunately we had to walk ALLLLL the way back to campus. it was veryyy long and my feet already hurt from the party. when we got to cook (another dorm) it only took the campus escort about 25 minutes to come pick us up and take us to meridian. i was SO happy about that. over all, halloween was really fun.

i am SO sore right now, i wanna lay down!!
peace

virginal difficulties

wow. last night was a whirlwind of a night. 12:15, CGT (Cute Gym Teacher) texts me. we have a back and forth and he asks if i want to come over. so i did, around 7. we were basically just hanging out, watching tv, listening to music. it was chill. then he asked me if i smoked and of course, i do. so we went to go get some weed, came back, and smoked it. in the midst of our high, we listened to r&b and got... physical. that sounded so gay. but it was pretty perfect... listening to 'anytime, anyplace' by janet jackson, super duper high and relaxed, and sensually kissing this dude. i'm thinking to myself... that hes thinking to himself... that i really am about to have sex with him! and then i think to myself, okay, how can i justify sleeping with him? i can't. its not like we are in a relationship, we aren't even old friends. he is just a coworker and i saw him for the first time a week ago. if this is how i lose my virginity, i'll be mad at myself. and this is what scares me... i really could have had sex with him. i mean, everything for sex was in order. a simple yes...and my virginity would be out the window. now i don't know what to do going forward. should i just leave it at that and not chill with him? should i just wait for him to contact me? should i tell him i'm waiting to be in a committed relationship to have sex? AHH i don't know! see, this is why i can't have a relaxed normal relationship! i'm not going to make any moves.
peace