YO YO YO

follow my boring-ass life on TWITTERRRR
www.twitter.com/notoriousL

and read my new blog PEOPLE!!
www.moreuniquethanmyname.wordpress.com

PEACE<3

if you loved me...

you would go to my new blog and comment on them!!!!!!!

www.moreuniquethanmyname.wordpress.com

Semi-Farewell

This is my semi-farewell. I feel that this blog has run its course. I am moving on y'all! No no no, don't cry! I'm just moving to wordpress.com because its cool! and i need to start over. i want to have a blog that i can share with more people... this blog is just way too personal. i know all the people who read it (for the most part). when something super exciting happens, i'll come and write it... but u can catch me on wordpress from now on i guess....

www.moreuniquethanmyname.wordpress.com

its been real!

Valentine's Blogggg

i am so happy guys! i had the best valentine's day EVER! and see?? my last entry was so perfect, i decided not to be bitter but i also didn't get my hopes up and i was so pleasantly surprised. this was my day:

first of all, i had gone to a party with my cousin, which is another post all on its own. so i left her house saturday morning and got back home. then my mom and i went to the mall and did some damage :)... i got some really cute stuff including the outfit i wore later on that night for my hot date lol. so i got back home and around 7pm, John got to the train station by me. now if you don't remember john, he has been mentioned several times before. i met him right before i came to howard this year blah blah. anyway, he came and we went to outback and had dinner (yes, he paid lol). after that we went to the park and walked around the water and talked. soo nice :)... then we went over to starbucks but we ended up just sitting in my car and talking and listening to music. (ooh! and he was holding my hand too!) so it was getting late and we ended up going back to the train station and waiting for the train. omg you guys, it was so freakin cute!! okay so i was on the platform waiting with him and we start kissing. haha. he said, "soo now we're making all these other people jealous because they're alone" which i thought was hilarious. i think i have had enough bad valentine's days to deserve one this great. yay :)

peace<3

Some Random Ish For You

*i've decided not to be bitter/mad about valentines day. that takes too much energy. i have way too much to be happy about, to be sad about something as trivial as that. i may not have a boo or a boyfriend.. but i have a shit-ton of love in my life. love from my family, my friends, my turtle, i mean.. come on! i know there are people who love me and appreciate me. to be honest, those relationships will last longer than any meaningless boyfriend or girlfriend i have right now. and another thing. i realize that black women and asian men are the least married people in america. asian men, i don't know why... i guess the asian women honestly just DO NOT fuck with asian men. but i have a few ideas as to why black women don't get married. we're bitter! and i am too young to feel as bitter as i do. i'll be damned if i spend the rest of my goddamn life all alone. so for now, i'll just cheer the fuck up and wait it out.
thanks dani b

*i am currently on my way home (entering new jersey as i type). i am so elated to be going home. i miss my family and friends from LI so much. i am enjoying this bus ride immensely. i downloaded music already. i've been on a recent amy winehouse kick. i'm legit obsessed with her music. but it makes me sad because i don't know if she can make a recovery or a comeback. did yall know that she used to be kinda thick? like, this chick had meat on her. crack is a hell of a drug.

*this is really random. but i want a wig. not a crazy lace-front or anything.. just a regular wig. lol. i want it to be a bob with bangs..jet black. it will be like my alter ego... i would just wear it out when i'm trying to be fancy lol. i really want one...

*my stomach has been feeling really weird lately. i haven't been eating a lot at all (ever since my mom had a total thrombo when i told her how much i weighed)... not have i just been eating less.. i CAN'T eat what i used to be able to eat. like, i feel full really fast. i was just feeling hella hungry, ate half a sandwich and i'm full like shit.

*really cool thing... the other day i sat in the sauna after working out.. it felt sooo good! afterwards my body felt so limber and agile. it was great. i could touch my toes with no problem (i'm NOT flexible). it was really coollll.

thats all folks!
peace<3

oh lawddd

i have a really bad headache right now. if i don't make sense... thats why.

i get really bad headaches after i take naps. the longer the nap, the worse the headache. my mom says its because i'm waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle. she might be right.

i am still head over heels in love with mr. perfect. he texted me today, and it was magical. did u hear that? HE texted MEE!!!

CGT was such a waste of my time, how come yall didn't tell me?! i would go into detail about what happened when i saw him the other day, but that would be wasting even more time. he is too through.

if i could do anything in the world right now. i would take twenty dollars...go buy a bag and roll myself a nice fat blunt. then, i would smoke that blunt while listening to amy winehouse (my new obsession, i know, i'm late).. and then i would go to sleep. but for now, i will just listen to amy winehouse...and go to sleep..dreaming about mr. perfect. sighss...

i'm gonna sound like a fiend for a second... i am experiencing one of the best tv seasons EVER. i have something to watch everyday from sunday to thursday... its the BESTTT!!!


*i fell asleep right after writing this. but yeah. i felt mad shitty. i feel better now. luv ya. muah!*

peace<3

Pinky's Golden Rule

treat others how you want to be treated... yeah thats good and all, but i have my own golden rule.

"Lauren does whatever the hell she wants, she might ask for your opinion, but at the end of the day, its her way or the highway"

if you want to be my friend, kick it with me, be around me, its really best that you understand the sentence quoted above. i really do not like being told what to do. i can understand when things are in my best interest and i know how to be respectful... but really at the end of the day, if i want to do something, i will do it. i will find a way to do it. if people tell me i can't do something, it just makes me want to do it even more. one of my pet peeves was that i hate when people tell my 'smoking kills' when i'm smoking. mother fucker i know that. obviously i'm not thinking about that little fact right now, so leave me the fuck alone. anything i choose to do is MYYYY choice.

the reason i brought this little ditty up is because this guy i was just talking to tried to get on me about weed and saying smoking kills and shit. i told him that it was one of my biggest pet peeves and that i do whatever the fuck i want. i guess he didn't like that or whatever, but i really don't care. i feel that if you are not my mother or my father, you really can't TELL me what to do. you can suggest things... for example, a teacher telling me to write a paper is really just a suggestion, its up to me whether i do it or not.

who knows maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm really immature. maybe i'm just one hell of a Taurus. who knows???

Keepin it 100!!!

you guys! this is sooo exciting!

its my 100th entry!!!!

i have been bullshitting and talking about boy problems for a while now huh?! haha. anyway, i really enjoy writing here and its pretty cool that people actually read it too. if i talked less shit on here, i would probably let more people see it. haha. writing on here has given me such a great opportunity to release all my weird feelings that i feel like i can't express to people verbally.

heres the bullshitting and boy problems that i know you guys love SO much lol.
today i have to go to work. that means i will see you know who, none other than, CGT. ugh. i'm just going to dress nice, go do my job, and leave. i really don't know what the hell i'd say to him if he started talking to me, hopefully he'll be busy and won't notice me :)... or maybe if i'm REALLY lucky, he won't come to work today! lol. of course i'll let you guys know what happens, just pray for me. i'm really nervous to see him. it sucks, because to get to the classroom i need to go to, i need to go through the gym...where he works. UGHHHHHH!!!

peace out<3

oooh girl, you got that good hair!

someone said that shit to me. i mean, i agree, my hair is more than just good, its fucking awesome. but you know what i mean. "good hair" is just another phrase that blacks use to separate themselves and inflict racism on each other. so what you tryna say? kinky hair is bad? mixed, puerto rican, curly hair is good? why? why is that good? why do black women feel the need to constantly alter their texture, color, EVERYTHING to be "good"??? of course it dates back to slavery times and the positions that the different slaves held.

now don't get me wrong lauren LOVES a good weave.. but i realized that perms were doing nothing positive for me. beyond just my hair texture being altered, i didn't want to give off a vibe of wanting to be what the 'white man' wants... i never put much thought into what i was doing to myself. it even goes to a spiritual level... its like telling god that my hair wasn't good enough and i needed chemicals to change it. how terrible!!! not to mention, its pretty cool to be a COMPLETELY natural beauty. this is my REAL REALLL hair, last year i gave up fake nails, and i wear minimal makeup on a daily basis. i was looking at my graduation picture and i look like a completely different person. i think i AM a completely different person. i'm more in touch with myself, my emotions, the REAL lauren... and thats pretty awesome.

people can look at me now and they can't think to themselves 'what will she look like without all that extra shit?' i'm all organic baby, no chemicals, no preservatives, no additives, ALLLLL NATURALLLL. god made me so beautiful and i can REALLY see it now. nothing is taking away or adding to me. i'm just simply ME. all i can do is strive to be the best version of myself right? that goes for inside AND out. I wish more people, especially black women, could see how great being natural is.

....now this doesn't go for ugly people, y'all need all the help you can get!!...
LOL!! i'm going to hell! haha jk jk jk jk

peace outtt<3

--CRUSH--

This entry is dedicated to you, Mr. Perfect. I've mentioned Mr. Perfect before (I didn't name him, but, um, I just did...) Anyway. I've had this overwhelming, disgusting, palm-sweat-inducing, mind-numbing, head-over-heels in "love", facebook-stalking, daydream during exams, CRUSH on Mr. Perfect. He is probably the only person I've had a crush on for this long (a little over a year) at this age. He is one of very few that I've hooked up with and STILL been obsessed with after the fact. He is my dream man. My name sounds so good next to his and with his last name. He has this irresistible southern charm that any Long Island girl would fall for. He's older and (supposed to be) more mature. He is a graduating senior (unfortunately for me) and is a bio-major... which means that money is definitely in his future. Not to sound like a gold-digger or anything, but girls should go after Bio Majors, they're going somewhere! Anyway, yesterday, I ran into Mr. Perfect. It was a magical moment. We were passing each other and we stopped and he hugged me. Let us analyze this hug. The regular friendly hug usually doesn't last longer than 2-3 seconds. This hug was 5+ seconds and I let go first! Arm/hand positions, my arms were above his, as in, his were around my waist. THEN, when the hug had clearly run its course, he like held my waist for 2-3 seconds.. something you do when you wanna kiss someone! This huggage happened not once, but TWICE in our little conversation. Hello AND goodbye!! Absolutely magical!! He is one person on this campus that I would love love LOVE to date. Butttt, I don't know how that would occur.
any advice on what i should do with this dude will be greatly appreciated!!!

okay. enough of that. i have another story.

there was a guy i wrote about in september... maybe august... and his name was John... from brooklyn that i met in queens. anyway he is another guy that popped up since my no-penis vow was taken. he said some interesting shit to me such as 'i think we'll definitely be together' and that its like inevitable that we will work out ... things of that nature. i explained to him that i'm tired of being hurt and thats why i'm not messing with anyone... i just felt like, damn. thats a lot of nerve. you disappear and then when u decide to come barge back into my life, you talk about us being together? what the hell?!

peace<3

oh boyyy

oh boy is right! so i don't remember if i told y'all this or not, but i am on a No-Penis Vow. which means that i am not talking to, kissing, doing anything with ANYBODYYYY. i have realized how much it confuses my life. i have enough on my mind and enough to worry about, so i don't need anyone else in it, confusing me. that being said. pretty much since i officially took the vow, allll these guys have been popping out the woodwork! i really don't like it. i mean, its getting out of hand. i can think of at least 3 or maybe 4 guys in the past two weeks, that have hit me up in some way shape or form, and i really don't even know what to say to them.

this is the crazy part. i just so happened to get my palm read last night. it was SO cool. i was brought up to believe that those types of things are 'demonic' and 'of the devil' but i just so happened to have a five on me, so i wanted to see what she would say. a lot of it was dead on, some of it was a little off lol. two things she said really stood out to me. one, people from past relationships kept popping up and i don't want to be with them. hmmmm. ((yeahh, i just said that!)) thenn, she said that i give a lot and that i'm often taken for granted. <- totally the story of my life. she said some other cool stuff... i liked it!

now, for a little weekend update. friday was uneventful, but later on i went to ruby tuesdays with dani b, which was deelilsh. then i pretty much watched tv and went to sleep. saturday was fun. i went grocery shopping earlier in the day, then i relaxed/napped until later on. my ex-roomie went and got food in adams morgan. afterwards we did a bit of running around to go to a party. we ended up at two different parties so it was a pretty good night. i didn't really drink but i smoked a little. it was fun.

this is like the anti-truth campaign right now. but i just feel like taking 20 dollars and buying weed and smoking it all by myself or maybe with one other person. it was nice of my friends to let me hit the blunt even though i didn't put in, but i really wanna like, be greedy with some weed one day. maybe over spring break with my brother. that would be fun.

okay yall, i'm gonna go listen to some musiq soulchild, perfect music for a sunday afternoon :)

Peace<3

ps... the cable is out in my building and its superbowl sunday. wtf?!

Youtube STAR!!

yeeeah right..



enjoy:)

six days

since i've written. no good! i'm sorry.

lol

okay. about that 'test'. IT WAS POSTPONED!!! i almost cried. i wanted to run around the auditorium and scream and cry from joy. the only downside is that test is now tomorrow, and i am no more prepared than i was last time. in short, i did not learn my lesson. i don't know why or how i got in this habit of not doing my homework. i think its because tv has been so good lately. i have a show or two to watch every night. its a good season for tv i guess. that means, bad season for homework.

what has happened since i last wrote? i have been semi-neglecting the gym lately, eating reallllly badly and pretty much sabotaging myself in every way possible. i didn't go to the gym at all this past weekend. then i went monday. tuesday it snowed and i didn't wanna go out. then today when i went there were literally... LITERALLY 1,000 people in that fucking gym. i couldn't deal. but i'm trying to get back on track. really, i am. i want to go to the HU/HU Cabaret and look nice in a dress. eating ice cream and oreos isn't going to help with that goal at all. i think i just need a slap in the face.

in other news, my hair is growing. it 'flops' now.. it doesn't 'shake' persé, but it does flop. thats exciting.

weird little story. cgt texted me saturday morning. it was short, awkward, and weird. i don't know why it happened or why he decided to text me. we haven't seen each other since i've been back and he seems like a distant memory to me.
hmm.

i feel kind of weird. its a mixture of a few different emotions:
sadness.
melancholy.
irritation.
loneliness.

yeah those are all of them. and that combined is my current state. i feel very bad. i think it has a lot to do with 1, me sabotaging myself, 2, officially not talking to any one, and thirdly, coming to some realizations. i hate coming to realizations. but in this case, it was more of a "eureka!" moment. i had been trying to figure out why one person in particular was always making me feel REALLY annoyed. i really don't want to go into detail... but basically there were some elements in our relationship that mirrored the problems i have in all of my relationships. the whole not listening thing. it comes in so many forms, so all i did was realize the form that this particular friend was exhibiting. make sense? i really am not sure. anyways.

remember back in the summer when i started going to therapy... the whole reason was because i always felt like no one listened to me. maybe its more than people not listening to me, maybe its me not speaking up. i always feel like i'm talking to the air. maybe i'm just really boring and people don't WANT to listen to me. i had this problem in SOOO MANY RELATIONSHIPS. friendships, when i talk to my mom, boyfriends. i have NEVER felt like anyone wanted to just sit down with their ears open and listen to me. NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRRR. i don't know if its something within myself that i have to work on or its really the people that i'm talking to. i don't know. no one inquires about me, no one wants to know my inner thoughts, no one wants to know how i'm feeling, no one wants to know my emotions, my goals, anything about me. thats why i write so much. because if i keep all these thoughts in my head, i would probably lose my mind.

and what bothers me the most is the fact that i am SOOOOOOOOO willing to listen to other people talk. at this point in my life, i'm tired of listening. i want to live like everyone else and not listen. since it happens to me SO much, i just want to go through one day and ignore what everyone says to me. just nod my head and think completely different thoughts. i want to hear ALL of what the other party says and have NOTHING to say back, no advice. i don't want to care. i just want to go through my day completely self absorbed and not give two shits what other people think or feel. thats how i'm treated every single day. why the hell can't i be like that??

peace

when the lights go out in the city...

i couldn't think of a title, but i'm listening to journey, and that was a lyric. fyi. i woke up to study for this test i'm taking today and look what i'm doing instead. yeahh. things have been good. the weekend was crazy with inauguration and everything. if i could re-do inauguration, i would have slept until a normal hour, woken up, watched it on TV and done my homework. rather, i woke up at 4am, went to inauguration, left early cause it was too fucking cold, went back home and fell asleep because i was soo exhausted. not a good day at all.

in other news. i've been doing my thang, going to the gym, i haven't really been doing my homework, so i need to do that. thats why i'm awake early today!

i reeeeeally need to do my laundry! i am pulling outfits out of my ass! i haven't done laundry since i've been back at school. wow, thats only like, 2 weeks. thats normal i think... you know what, its just so difficult to do laundry here. first of all, you have to do it when no one else is doing it (like, mid day), you have to have a 5, 10 or 20+ dollar bill. i never have cash, so i have to go to some kind of ATM. its a hassle! i'll do it tomorrow.

i need a job! but my schedule is so weird and i'm done with class late as it is. i'd be going allll day. it would be really difficult.

alright, this has been the most all-over-the-place entry ever.

peace<3

lately...

everything has been great. class is fine, the gym is fine. this super long weekend has been nice (although i've yet to do my homework)... anyway... i went to see notorious on friday, it was AMAZING in a word. it was one of the best movies i've seen in quite a while (aside from Slumdog Millionaire). i loveeee biggie, so it was great to see his life in movie form. saturday, i went to the gym in the morning (never want to do that again, too crowded), and then i went to hooters with two of my homegirls from freshman year. after that, we went to our other friends to drink and hang out but it was kinda boring so i went home kind of early. it was pretty cool though, i had fun. then sunday, i went on an adventure to find alcohol which included driving to maryland. lol. we ended up just getting random mad dogs and wine. lol. it was fun though. i got home around 2am and went to sleep. i slept allll day today... then i went to the gym later on. i was supposed to hang out with some of the guys from the gym, but they haven't called yet and i'm about to go to sleep because i have to wake up at 4 am. i am dragging myself to the inauguration even though i reeeeally don't like big crowds and i really do not wanna wake up that fucking early!! its already 12:30 am and i have to get up in 3.5 hours. oy!! well i gotta go to sleep!

peace<3

Update!

firstly, an update on my life. nothing has really been going on. i've been busting my ass in the gym, going to class, sleep, eat, and put it on repeat. since i've been back at school, i've lost almost 2 lbs i think... i can't tell with those scales.. you know, the ones that doctors use? yeah. i need a real scale! lol. then class... its good, six classes, three everyday. but i have 4-6 hour breaks in the middle of them. thats usually when i go to the gym, come back, shower, watch maury, and get ready for class. its nice to have a little respite in the middle of the day to relax.
i've kind of taken another vow to not mess with or talk to any guys but something kind of exciting did happen. there is this guy in my french class that is clearly fluent in french. when he talks, the entire class is just silent and we all just stare in awe of his beautiful french. lol. so i told dani (shout out to my girl dani b!) that i would get his number so that he could help us study or something. so, after class on thursday i got his number and i told him i'd call him later to give him mine. so after my last class i texted him something along the lines of 'hey, this is lauren from class' after that.. this is how it went.
him: Lauren
me: yepp
him: it seems like you're the best in the class (ahhh!! i dieddd!) what's your major?
me: wow, thank you! my major is speech pathology. and yours?
him: applied math and computer science. (dayum!)
me: wow so you can help me in math too?
yeah blah blah, nothing too exciting (math talk) but yeah. maybe he could just be my math/french-friend. lol.
::in other news::
i've not really been missing home which is good. i thought i'd be miserable coming back, but i feel pretty good. i just kind of do my thing. i cut off someone that needed to be cut off, i've been managing my money better, i am managing partying and going to class. i haven't missed any class and i don't plan to until friday feb 6th because i'm probably going to go home for my brother's birthday. i told him i couldn't come. but i plan to. hehe. i'm not gonna tell anyone. i'm just gonna show up at home :) it should be really funny and shocking! i love surprises!! well, good surprises, that is. anyway. i could never fully surprise my family because i don't have a key, so i would have to ask my brother to let me in. but we got a new keypad outside that allows us to open the garage door (that was broken). i'm so super duper excited. well i'm gonna go to the gym now.
peace<3

aujourd'hui

this is a brief update of what has been going on in my life lately. friday i was a bit upset, so i didn't really feel like doing much... but i went to the Diner and ate a delicious sandwich. lol. saturday was crazyyy. i went to the gym in the morning but later on, all hell broke loose. i went to my friends' house and it was soo triflin. i drank sooo much. i wish i could tell you. i just took shot after shot after shot. next thing you know...fuckkeeedddd up. anyway, i managed to get back to my room, thank god. haha. so sunday, i didn't go the gym due to my hangover. i pretty much stayed in my room and didn't do anything. i knitted with my amiga and watched Clueless, but it was a chill day. today was chill too. just went to my two classes and went to the gym, nothing big. but i have a question...

okay, heres the situation. i'm walking down the street in my 'workout clothes' aka, spandex pants. so these dudes in a garbage truck come by, honk their horn at me and the one in the passenger's seat waves at me. what the HELL do they think is going to come of that?? do they think i am going to respond and chase down the truck, so that i can give them my number? i'm so confused by that. or maybe they're just trying to let me know that 'dayumm i look goooood' i really don't know. maybe one of my gorgeous followers can tell me???
lol
peace<3

-FIN-

lauren is finished.

i am tired. tired of what? lauren is tired of not being appreciated, not feeling special, arguing, bickering, and dealing with BULLSHIT people. i am so tired of listening to people saying that they're going to change in 09, but there really is something i need to change. i WILL NOT deal with people who are not worthy of my presence. whether it be friendship, a relationship, whatever. if you do not add something positive to my life, consider yourself cut-off. i believe the saying goes, 'you're in control of your own destiny' or something like that. anyway, i truly believe that, with the addition of God of course. he is actually in control of my destiny, but yeah, you get what i'm trying to say.

so what am i really saying? who am i really talking about? i'm sure the faithful readers figured it out already. CGT, i'm sick of thinking about him, talking to him, seeing him, dealing with his bitchy little attitude. i doubt i even told you ALL the bullshit i've gone through with this 'man'. this was our convo today:
CGT: hey
me: hello
CGT: why haven't i seen you?
me: idk, you tell me
CGT: you tell me...
me: i do not know. it's up to you if you want to see me
CGT: ok...it's a two way street..but its fine!
me: generally when we see eachother its at ur house, i'm not going to invite myself over. unless we go somewhere for a change
CGT: i thought we were going to the movies on the 16th
me: yeah we can, but thats a week away
CGT: no, you have a little attitude
me: i do?
CGT: i don't have time for that
me: alright..
CGT: ok
me: you don't want to talk to me anymore?
CGT: i didn't say that.. i don't talk to attitudes.. i don't do that anymore
lol, okay.

idk readers, i really didn't think i had an attitude. wait, i did have an attitude, but i didn't think he'd be able to see it in a text message! lmfao. okay, mind you, the whole time he texted me and shit, i was LAUGHING. oh i didn't even tell you guys that i saw him in starbucks with another girl. friend or not, i was SO over him in that one moment. why? because he NEVERRRRRR takes me ANYWHEREEEE. and he can take that bitch somewhere? okay. cool.

so, no, i'm not upset. not in the least. CGT qualifies as a bullshit person, and you all know what i JUST said about whats happening to bullshit people in the year 2009. there is no going back. he doesn't get another chance. he got one back in like, november when i dropped his ass and he came CRAWLING back to me. when he gets over this little bitch-fit, i'm sure he'll come crawling back again. unfortunately for him, he already used that second chance. my view of guys when i first meet them is that they are already a piece of shit and i wait for them to mess up. he did that already. but i believe in second chances. so once they mess up that one, we're THROUGH.

i'm not angry, just doneee.

all good things must come to an end?

now... i'm not saying that my break was like the best EVER, but it was good. and its not like i really don't wanna go back to school... i'm just really apprehensive about the classes i'm taking. they're going to be super challenging. i'm really nervous about that. i also hate traveling, so i'm definitely not looking forward to that!

cgt said he was happy i'm coming home and whatever, but idk. i feel like our 'relationship' is not going anywhere and sometimes i feel like i could do better. there are just some issues that i'm not sure i can deal with. i feel like i give 100% to the relaionship (as i do with all of my relationships), and he is giving maybe 30%. something big is that, i feel he doesn't listen to me. scratch that. i KNOW he doesn't listen to me. which brings me to something else. i feel like i've reeeeally matured over this break. and when i go back to cgt, i'm gonna make sure that i'm more assertive and tell him what i want from being with him. then, i'll see how bad he actually wants to be with me. i mean, i know he isn't really looking to be in a relationship, but maybe that is what I'M looking for... i don't want to stifle myself. the whole reason i went to therapy this past summer is because i felt like no one ever listened to me. on my list of things i want to do before i die, one of them is 'i want to find a friend that actually listens to me'... clearly, this is a problem! i want to be able to sit with cgt and have a conversation. a back-and-forth. to have a back-and-forth, you have to listen to the person talking. i always listen to him. i pride myself on being a good listener. this is what happens in our 'conversations'...
CGT: blahhhh blah blah blah blah blahhhhh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats so uncool.
Me: so today, my friend actually died.
CGT: ..silence..

or:

CGT: blah blahhhh blah blah blahh blahhhh blah
Me: oh wow, thats amazing, i'm so proud of you!
Me: So, my mom was telling me that my brother got accepted into the NBA!
CGT: ..silence..

it doesn't matter what i say, he never has a response, so that seems like he isn't listening, right? right.
and its also little things, like he never walks me back to my dorm, he never asks me questions about myself. like, everything he knows about me, was on facebook or i offered him the information. i do not know, readers, i do not know. when i think about the negative things, they seem so plentiful. which is nottt good. i want someone who can make me happy and actually gives a shit about me. like, one of the things that cgt did that made me SO angry, was that we were texting and i said 'i miss you' and he didn't say anything back. like, damn. in that case, i take it back, i don't miss your ass! that really made me mad. i have this habit of going above and beyond for people, and i don't even get half of that in return. what to do, what to do!!!

if you have advice for me, please leave me a comment.