to the readers

i guess this is the only way to go about this. i am just apologizing to everyone that i may have hurt through this blog. honestly i didn't think that people who were reading it... were. the purpose of my writing is not to hurt ANYONE. what i won't apologize for is displaying my feelings candidly. i write to get stuff off my chest and in doing that, i am in no way trying to hurt anyone. i can't un-read what people read or un-hurt peoples feelings but i am truly sorry.

my senior year of high school

What school year was it?
06-07

Who was your best friend?
Franci Ramos<33

What sports did you play?
bowling hahaha

What kind of car did you drive?
i drove a station wagon and then a Jetta

Friday night where were you?
starbucks or working

Where you a party animal?
i turned into one. lol.

Where you in the "in crowd"?
ew no

Ever skip school?
hell yeah lol

Ever smoke?
yes

Were you a nerd?
def. not

Did you get suspended or expelled?
nope

Can you sing Alma Mater?
hahahaha no

Who was your favorite teacher?
i gotta go with B-Dog

Favorite class?
i liked English and public speaking

What was your school's full name?
Harborfields High School

School mascot?
the Tornado lmao

Did you go to prom?
yes

If you could go back and do it over, would you?
HELLLL NAWWWWW

What do you remember most about graduation?
getting out of there as fast as i could

Favorite memory of senior year?
after prom was fun

Were you ever posted up on the senior wall?
huh?

Did you have a job your senior year?
absolutely

Who did you date?
most people

Where did you go most often for lunch?
subway

Have you gained weight since then?
haha yesss

What did you do after graduation?
HU...U KNOW!!!


oh thank GOD high school is over. i hated it soo much.

help!

this is bad. okay the other day i was talking to uhh *Mark*(the guy that i had dated and wants me back.. haha) and he said something that i didn't really know how to react to... he had gone on this date (as a favor for his cousin). this was the txt convo:

Me: (yes i texted him 1st) how was ur date the other day
Mark: it was alright
Me: it would've been better if it were with me (cute right?)
Mark: not really (ouch)
Me: well damn
Mark: u told me u werent interested in dating me
Me: hmm, i guess. if i were to date u it would take a while for me to feel comfortable...if u feel like its a waste of time tell me now so i dont bother u (at this point i was like.. u should be wooing me..dammit!)
Mark: i'm not tryin to be mean but u said that i would be wasting my time if i was trying to get with u

end of convo

then later he IMed me... the first thing he says is "why are u mad at me"... please tell me when i sounded like i was mad. i wasn't mad. i was a little disappointed. but not mad. i felt like he had given up... and even if i'm not interested in a guy.. i still want him to be interested in me (ain't that terrible)

besides all that drama... i talked to my cousin and she (in about 10 minutes) convinced me that i needed to move on from him...that his baggage wasn't worth it and i agree with that. but he is doing a lot right. this is confusingggg! remember how i said i was nervous about the "hey babe" thing... its partially because that draws me in! i LIKE that shit! ahh! and he says it.. a lot. another line was crossed. i thought about him before i fell asleep last night. that is the biggest proof that i like someone. i am scared! maybe i should just lighten up and go with the flow. and he can be so cute. i really doubt that i'm even making sense.

ok so last night. i went online and i saw that he was online... and in my head i was like ok, he has 4 minutes to IM me (childish i know) and u know what.. HE DID. i asked him what he wanted to do when i got back from MV... and he said whatever u want to do...and i said well idk what i wanna do, thats why i asked u.. and he goes (this is the cute part) well i dont care, i just want to see u. JESUSSSS CHIRSTTT. i don't know.

should i just make a pro/con list and decide... should i just talk to him and get to know each other better...then decide... should i just use the opportunity to have a summer fling (lord knows i love a summer fling)... please tell me what to do readers!

this is what i do when im bored

i hate the word vacay

well i know my faithful readers have missed me. lmao. i don't have faithful readers!! anyway. i'm going on vacation in a few hours (to martha's vineyard...thats near massachusetts ok?) sooo i guess the reason i haven't written is because nothing has really happened. the ex that i started talking to again is on the 'hey babe' status.. ahh! i don't like that! i haven't had attention like this for a long time... mostly because i shunned it. i don't know... the last relationship made it very difficult to trust guys. its so funny because all guys... ALL guys always say this very line "i'm different" and i can't believe that every time i believe that shit! i actually believe them. of course i don't, at first... but eventually i give in and date them... then they lie, cheat, or steal, and then we break up. yeah. thats how every relationship has gone for me. anyway. i am very very very weary of starting a new relationship because i am sick of getting hurt. i mean, if every relationship ends with me getting hurt... why would i want to start up a new one right?

okay..i was watching that show Intervention...and it was on an alcoholic.
Question: is it bad that watching her binge drink.. kinda made me crave some beer? leave a comment with an answer
i am really into watching stuff about prison, drugs, serial killers, rapists... i REALLY enjoy it. the crime and investigation channel is my new obsession. there has GOT to be something wrong with that. maybe i should talk to my therapist about that. no lie, there is a serious rush that comes over my body when i see that law and order svu is on or when there is a new true life about addiction or disease. i'm definitely a sick lady.

maybe i'll go on vacation and meet some great guy and fall in love in two weeks and it'll be just like Grease! how sad...i have to compare my life with musicals. *sigh*

BROADWAYYYY!

i titled this blog 'Broadway' because i really like musicals. lol. i love that show Legally Blonde: The Search for Elle Woods. i've never seen the movie or the play, but i really like that show man! besides that, i'm absolutely 100% head over heels in LOVE with RENT the musical. i know every word to every song. when the movie comes on, i act out the entire thing. i'm in love with it. i also reeeeeally like Hairspray, but i've yet to see the play... which i'm sure is even better than the movie. usually it works that way.

besides all that jazz, i am really truly bored. i almost want to go back to work. if i was hanging out with my friends every day, it wouldn't be as bad, but i'm just sitting on the computer and watching tv all day. not fun man. i'm hoping that my good friend from college, shannel, is going to visit me on thursday. i'm REALLLLLY looking forward to it because i hate just hanging out with my mom and brother all the time. maybe i'll drive out to queens and visit my aunt. i'm seriously searching for things to do. i am at my wits' end! i don't blame my friends for having lives, i used to have a little bit of one.

boys. something i barely even talk about anymore right? well i mentioned a few blogs back that one of my exes was talking to me. well we actually talked on the phone last night for like two hours. i feel weird about it because i don't really see myself ever being with him. (he's the one with friends that are in gangs). do friends make a person? should i pass up a relationship with someone because of the company they hold? i DON'T KNOW! my answer to that question was yes with him, in the past, but i don't know. he really is a nice person, he's funny, sarcastic (like me), and we do have pretty decent conversations...not to mention he's really cute. those are the positives, and really, the one negative is the friends he has. is that fair? he, of course, doesn't think so... i don't know what to do. should i keep talking to him...letting him think that he might have a chance when he might not, or should i just cut off communication? ahhh!! besides all THAT, am i even ready to be in a relationship yet? i've been so focused on lauren lauren lauren, am i even ready to focus on someone else? i don't think so. well not yet at least.

i think my plan is going to be, i'll still talk to him and start a friendship with him and really get to know him... i refuse to rush into a relationship with someone ever again, it clearly doesn't work. please, if u read this, comment!! i need some advice!

FiVE

so its been five days since surgery. everything is getting progressively better and easier to do. my boobs look awesome, even though they're swollen. i feel as if they make me look MUCH thinner. they were the largerst part of me, so now they fit my body a lot better. the under arm liposuction section hurts like a BITCH!!! omg. its the worst part of the entire surgery. its difficult to put my arms down by my side. when i wake up, its the worse. moving out of the position i was in reeeally hurts. i'm only taking advil right now and that is working fine. yay! bathing suits and bras soon!! oh btw... i tried on some of my shirts. they looked really weird but in a good way. lol.